Girls Night Out
by LNC2
Summary: The fate of Alix Kubdel's birthday party rests in the pants of one Adrien Agreste.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This story was a part of a challenge called Miraculous Big Bang 2k17. My partner salty-french-fry created some amazing art that you can check out on her tumblr or on this story posted on AO3 under the username LNC. Enjoy!**

 ** **Chapter One:****

* * *

 **10:51 PM**

* * *

Adrien Agreste was having a night.

It was something he heard Alya say once and something Nino later clarified as a _clusterfuck of nonsense_. At the time it didn't really make sense to him, but now, as Adrien stood on the edge of a church roof clad only in a pair of Ladybug boxers and stared out at the havoc being wreaked across the city, he was starting to get the idea.

 _Ladybug is going to kill me_.

Paris was burning.

The cobbled streets of the arrondissement shone like hot coals beneath the the blazing inferno that was his city. Panicked screams of evacuating citizens and wailing sirens filled the air as the Eiffel Tower sparked like a Roman candle in the distance.

And Adrien, nearly-naked and kwamiless, was helpless to do anything about it.

Maybe _this_ was why his father didn't let him have birthday parties.

Somewhere in the chaos he had lost Chloe and the others. Taking the akuma's distraction as an opportunity to slip away, Juleka's quiet _hey_ was drowned out by another explosion and the subsequent stampede of fleeing bodies ensured they couldn't follow.

Adrien cut through the unaffected alleyways, grateful again for the tennis shoes Max had swiped for him earlier in the evening. Although it was literally the least they could do after getting him into this mess in the first place.

 _At least they helped me get away from the girls_.

He scowled down at his cuffed wrists. _Not soon enough._

When all this was over he and Nino were going to have a long talk about what it meant to be a good bro.

But first he needed to make it home and grab Plagg so he could make everything right again.

Or at least that was his plan.

He really hadn't counted on running into Sabrina, Mylene, and Rose.

The three were huddled together in the park and Adrien skid to a halt as he saw them hunched together over their goddamn list. It was disturbing how even the city's burgeoning destruction couldn't distract them from their ridiculous game.

Adrien wondered if he could slip past them undetected when Rose cried out and he took off running again.

He was getting really tired of this.

Mylene's shout of g _et back here, Agreste!_ was followed by a chorus of giggles that Adrien swore would follow him into his nightmares.

He ran towards the nearest crowd, hoping to lose them the same way he lost the others when he was suddenly grabbed from behind. He yelped as he lurched forward, only to realize that he wasn't being pushed so much as _hoisted_ , before scrambling to grasp onto whatever had a hold of him.

"Need a lift, handsome boy?"

The arm around his waist gripped him tightly as they swung above the clamoring Parisians below and it was with equal parts relief and mortification that Adrien realized just _who_ it was that had rescued him.

Ladybug set him down on top of a nearby church and he could barely look at her as her arms slid away from his bare waist.

She laughed. "Rough night?"

"You have no idea."

"I don't know," She sang. Adrien met her dancing eyes with confusion. "I bet I can guess."

A few streets down, another explosion shook the streets.

 _"Adrien Agreste! I've got a story you'll be_ **_dying_ **_to read."_

She rolled her shoulders and sighed.

"A hero's work is never done." She grabbed the yoyo at her hip and caught his eye. "You gonna be okay?"

Adrien nodded dumbly.

"Good," Her eyes looked him up and down slowly as her lips fought a smirk. Not for the first time that night Adrien's face burned red.

Ladybug bit her lip. "Nice spots."

Honestly, he could scream.

 _I am going to_ **_kill_ **_Nino.  
_

* * *

 **Fourteen Hours Earlier...**

* * *

Something was happening at Francois-Dupont.

There was a tension in the air that Adrien couldn't entirely attribute to their upcoming exams. A kind of restlessness that settled underneath his skin and hummed through his veins like bees in a hive. A hovering sort of anxiety that pulsed through the hallways and his classmates and filtered through the air like whispers and dust.

It was a feeling Adrien usually associated with akuma, but three days of Constant Vigilance yielded nothing more than frayed nerves, restless legs, and the isolating sense of confusion that accompanied being on the outside of a secret.

It was subtle at first.

Fingers tapping and vacant stares during study hall, nervous fidgeting in the locker room. Startled yelps trailing off into fractured laughter that became silence as the days wore on. It was as if some sort of creeping dread was overtaking his classmates one by one and every corner turned and pencil dropped was a step closer to shattering.

New to the rhythms and waves of public school, he initially overlooked Nino's worried hands as they adjusted and readjusted his baseball cap. He didn't mention the way his friend jumped out of his skin when Adrien touched his shoulder or when he flinched at the _bang_ when someone slammed their locker shut.

Initially he assumed his friend's uneasiness stemmed from their upcoming final exams and offered to help him study. But Nino didn't even look up from where his head was buried in his arms on the desk.

"Sorry Adrien. But I don't think a physics lesson is going to help your boy this time."

There was a smugness in Alya's voice that he didn't understand. Even sweet, shy Marinette, who was usually quick with an explanation or a reassuring smile, was a cipher. Instead, when he met her eyes, there was a predatory gleam that sent a rush of fear through his fingers.

"I don't know, Alya. It might give him a head start."

Nino slouched further down in his seat and pulled his hat over his eyes.

And it only got stranger from there.

Because it wasn't just Nino.

All of his classmates were acting weird in one way or another.

Nathaniel's distress was less obvious at first until Adrien realized that the _scritch scratch scratching_ of his pencil strokes were harsher, deeper, and uncontrolled. Mylene and Sabrina exchanged animated gestures in hushed tones during the break while Max's usually tidy appearance gradually deteriorated as he buried himself further in his frantic calculations.

("...and if you factor in the likelihood that there will be _four_ of them instead of three this year and the probability that…")

Kim was growing more agitated by the day while Alix was practically radiating joy. Not even losing to him in their annual dodgeball grudge match could dampen her spirits.

"What's with the smirk, pipsqueak? My team wiped the floor with you guys."

To emphasize his point Kim shoved another rubber ball at her chest.

Alix caught it and grinned. "Something tells me I'll get you back soon enough."

Kim's answering scowl could have sent akuma running.

Even Chloe was in a good mood, in her own, caustic way. The phrase _Marinette Dupain-_ ** _Cheng_ ** only crossed her lips once that week and was accompanied by an almost pleasant _move please_.

Which, really, was all Adrien could ask at this point.

In fact, the only person who seemed completely unaffected was Ivan who carried on silent and looming and benign as usual.

Adrien, determined to get to the bottom of their strange behavior tracked down his wayward best friend in the locker room.

In retrospect, sneaking up on his already anxious friend in a relatively secluded space had not been his _best_ idea. But how was he supposed to know that Nino's first reaction to a hand on his shoulder would have been to _punch him in the face_.

"Hyah!"

Adrien's angry " _Whrt th her Ninr?!"_ was muffled behind his hands as he clutched at his now throbbing nose.

"Oh dude, oh man I'm so sorry!"

Adrien's eyes watered.

"Oh god oh man ah okay it's okay," Nino panicked as he fluttered around his friend. "Is it bleeding? Does it feel broken- oh man oh shit oh _fuck_ please tell me I didn't break your nose. Your dad is going to _kill_ me."

Adrien watched through his fingers as Nino crouched down in front of him, holding his hat tight to his head and squeezing his eyes shut as if he could block out the possibility. He wanted to reassure him that his nose didn't _feel_ broken but he was still a little dazed from being _punched in the face_.

As the sting gradually started to fade, Adrien dropped his hands and scrunched his nose to help restore some feeling.

"I don't think it's broken."

Nino looked up at him from between his fingers. "You sure?"

"Yeah," Adrien tried to smile but it came out more of a grimace. "Do you want to tell me what the hell that was about?"

Nino sighed and took Adrien's offered hand, pulling himself off the ground with as much dignity as his current nervous breakdown could allow.

"Ugh I'm sorry. It's just Alix's birthday is coming up and I'm a little on edge."

Adrien frowned at his friend and gently pressed his hopefully-not-so-broken nose. "A little?"

"Yeah well you would be too if you've been what I've been through the last few years."

"It's just a birthday party, Nino. What's the big deal?"

Nino looked like he was going to answer when Rose and Juleka walked by. The goth girl gestured towards the dj and whispered something in her girlfriend's ear. Rose's tinkling laughter filled the halls.

His mouth clicked shut. If possible the poor boy seemed to shrink even _further_ into himself.

"Sorry man, I've got to go."

The next few days proved just as frustrating. His classmates were unusually tight lipped on the subject and Adrien never felt more like an outsider. He hoped that it might just be his status as the new kid, but Alya's gleeful squeals told him otherwise. She was definitely in on the secret.

"Maybe it's cause you're so uptight."

"Not now, Plagg." Adrien said, scowling into his pillow. "And I'm not uptight."

His kwami didn't dignify him with a response.

And so went the week. It wasn't until the day of their last exams that he finally got an answer.

Alix Kubdel entered Mme. Bustier's classroom with all the pomp and circumstance of a queen and a feral grin to rival Chat Noir's. In her hands she held a stack of multi-colored envelopes that had all of his classmates sitting at attention.

"It's time." She said, the gravity in her tone belying the manic grin she was fighting. She met Adrien's questioning look and winked.

Confused and suddenly nervous he glanced over at his best friend who was slumped low on their shared bench.

"Really Kubdel. You're going to do this _now_?"

For all of his bravado Kim couldn't hide the nervous crack in his voice.

Alix ignored him in favor of passing out her envelopes- invitations Adrien realized- as she gleefully skipped past their row to hand two over to Alya and Marinette. He turned around to get a better look and saw that each one was in a different color and had their names scrawled on the front.

Alya's smile deflated. "Shoot, girl."

Marinette placed an arm over her friend's shoulder. "It's okay Alya. We're going to have a blast no matter what."

"Ugh you have _got_ to be kidding me."

Adrien whirled around to see Chloe storm over to the girls' desk waving a yellow envelope in the air like an accusation. Alya looked down at her own similarly colored invitation and groaned.

" _Seriously?_ "

Marinette glared up at Chloe as she slammed her hands down on the desk and leaned into the Ladyblogger's space.

"You better not fuck this up, Cesaire." She said, pointing one perfectly manicured finger in Alya's direction. "I'm on a two year winning streak and I do _not_ intend to lose."

"Back off, Chloe," Marinette snapped. "You know the only reason you won last year is because you locked me in a supply closet."

"I did no such thing!" But her smirk gave her away. "Besides, Alix said it wasn't against the rules."

Marinette rolled her eyes.

"Anyways, this doesn't concern _you_." Chloe turned her attention back to Alya who was scowling something fierce at her new… partner? Adrien still wasn't entirely sure what was going on. "You're always running off and doing something stupid for that blog of yours. I don't think you'll be entirely useless."

"Unlike you, you mean," Alya growled, her hands crushing the envelope in her grip.

Chloe waved away her comment and held out her hand instead.

"Truce?"

Alya looked at the offered hand like it was a snake waiting to bite and Adrien was certain she was about to tell Chloe where she could put her offer of peace. He was therefore surprised when he caught Alya's questioning glance at Marinette who nodded her head ever-so-slightly. Begrudgingly she grabbed Chloe's hand.

"Truce."

Chloe's triumphant smirk was redirected from the girls to him. Adrien suddenly felt very much like a gazelle surrounded by lions at the watering hole. Beside him, Nino whimpered.

"Perfect."

Alix distributed the rest of her invitations to the other girls before stopping at Ivan's desk and slipping him the last one.

" _Seriously_ Ivan?"

This time the outburst came from Nino. The large boy merely shrugged before high-fiving Alix.

"Let the games begin."

* * *

 **5:45 PM**

* * *

Alix Kubdel was beyond stoked.

She knew some people (Jalil) considered it majorly Not Cool™ to be so into their own birthdays but some people (also Jalil) were too busy obsessing over dusty books and the lives of dead people to bother having a life of their own.

Their mom had instilled in her a deep reverence for birthdays from a young age and there was no way that she was going to ditch that tradition now that she was gone.

So as far as Alix was concerned some people (still Jalil) could stuff it.

Lovingly though, because in spite of her "dogged pursuit of immaturity" her brother still set aside time from his precious studies to put together what promised to be Alix's best party yet.

"If you're going to insist on doing this you better do it right," He'd said in his long-suffering way that said there's no way he would let her down.

Sometimes brothers were kind of okay.

Her fingers ran over the large cream-colored envelopes he had sealed with melted candle wax and grinned.

Okay, sometimes brothers were kind of awesome.

Jalil Kubdel was a lot of things, but a slacker wasn't one of them. He had even carved personalized seals into the wax for each team.

 _Nerd_.

"Stop snooping!" He said, smacking her hand away and scowling as he fussed with his masterpieces. "The whole point of me doing this was to make sure you didn't have an advantage."

Alix rolled her eyes but backed away from the table. She glanced impatiently at the pocket watch her father gave her earlier that year.

 _They're late._

Technically her party was supposed to start at 6:30 but she asked Ivan and Marinette to arrive early in order to strategize. It was the first time in four years that she and Marinette were on the same team and Alix was more than a little pumped. The girl didn't look it but she was _devious_.

And although Ivan was an unknown entity in the game she had a good feeling about her team.

Not that that really meant anything when it came down to it. Previous years' experience taught her not to underestimate her opponents. She grinned, fingering the short strands of her hair. When Mylene had chopped it off on her twelfth birthday no one ever really expected her to keep it.

 _Pops was super pissed about that one_.

Eh. She liked it better this way. Her life became a lot easier the day she stopped worrying about her hair getting in her way.

There was a frantic knocking on the door. Alix was already rushing to answer when Jalil called out, "I think you're friends are here!"

Alix scowled at her very late, very winded friends.

Well, Marinette was winded. Ivan was still slowly walking up from the street.

"You're late."

"I know, I know! I'm sorry," Marinette said, clutching a canvas shopping bag to her chest. "But I was trying to finish up a project."

"Unless it was for me," Alix said, stepping aside to let them into the house. "I don't care."

"Well…", the black haired girl grinned and shook the bag in her direction. "Technically it's for all of us."

Alix snatched the offered present and ripped out its contents: three black t-shirts accented in neon green spirals along the waist and sleeves. Upon closer inspection she realized the spirals were snakes. In large pink letters the words "GO BIG..." were embroidered on the front and on the back "...OR GO HOME".

"Oh _hell_ yes."

"Do you like them? I didn't have a lot of time to-"

"Shut up. They're awesome."

Alix tossed the largest one over to Ivan before pulling hers over her tank top and resisting the urge to squeal like a goddamn five year old. _This_ is why she loved being teamed up with the artsy people.

Team fucking swag.

"So, uh, how is this going to work?" Ivan asked as he fingered his new t-shirt. "I've never really been on this side of the party before."

"Every year is different so I can't really tell you what to expect," Alix said. "But basically it's like a big scavenger hunt."

"A really _intense_ scavenger hunt." Marinette added.

"And every year you pick a new guy to terrorize?"

"Terrorize is _such_ a strong word."

Ivan smirked. "This year it's Adrien right?"

Alix looked over at Marinette who was suddenly preoccupied with her shoes and nodded. That was probably her _only_ concern about being on her friend's team. Try as she might Marinette just couldn't keep her shit together when pretty boy was around. Alix was just banking on her friend's competitive spirit to overcome _that_ particular hurdle.

"Well," Ivan said thoughtfully. "I don't know much about him but I _did_ overhear something about the guys hiding out at Kim's tonight."

Marinette's head snapped up. Alix met her gleaming eyes with a manic grin of her own.

Oh _fuck_ yes.

She couldn't help it. She cackled and slapped him on the back.

"Ivan, my guy," She leaned in closer. "We're _so_ glad to have you. How's it feel to be a hunter instead of the hunted?"

Ivan smiled.

There was a deadly glimmer in his eyes that delighted her.

They were _so_ going to win.

* * *

 **6:12 PM**

* * *

"Are we cowards?"

The thought had been rattling around in his brain all week. Ever since he invited the guys to hunker down in his basement for the evening while Alix and the rest of her she-demon horde did god knows what to the city.

It didn't sit well with him. Being a coward. Hiding.

Not that that's what they were doing. Absolutely not. They were just… laying low. Strategizing.

What was it Max had said?

 _Tactical retreat._

That's what they were doing. They were making a tactical retreat.

Kim's knee bounced up and down and rattled the bottom of the card table.

For some reason it still felt like hiding.

"Guys?"

Nathaniel and Max were fussing with the gaming console Max had slugged over. Or rather, Max was fussing and Nathaniel was standing there helplessly after Max slapped his hands away.

Nino was lying facedown on the old sofa his brother left after leaving for university. His face was buried in the cushions and it was the first time the dude hadn't looked ready to bolt in weeks.

No one answered him.

"I'm serious." He fiddled with the red and white fidget spinner his mom had bought him because in her words he just _never stops moving_. "Do you think we're being cowards?"

"Yes," Nino said, his voice muffled.

" _Lahiffe,_ "

"We're literally hiding in your mom's basement, Kim."

"We are _not_ hiding." He said, scandalized.

"Oh yeah?" Nino didn't need to turn his head for Kim to know he was giving him a _look_. "What else would you call it?"

"A tactical retreat," Max said as he finished with the console.

Nino rolled his eyes. "Whatever man. At the end of the day it's the four of us holed up underground while Ivan and the girls run wild over Paris."

"And Adrien," Nathaniel shuddered.

Kim waved him away. "Agreste will be fine. His dad's got that crazy security system."

"Didn't stop that akuma."

"Are you seriously comparing the girls to an akuma?"

Nino made the effort to roll his head towards Kim so he could meet his eyes.

"Okay yeah fair point."

Kim would never admit it but he still had nightmares about the year Chloe and Marinette cornered him at the arcade. It was the first and only time he had seen those two working together and Kim could only give thanks that they couldn't stand each other every other day of the year.

"I can't believe I didn't warn him," Nino sighed. "Some friend I am."

Nathaniel took the controller Max offered before sitting down on the floor in front of the couch. "Do you really think his dad would let him come out tonight if we had?"

"No. Dude wouldn't even let him have a _birthday_ party."

"Then we're fine!" Kim said, trying to shake off the feeling of guilt that had been eating at him since everyone had arrived. "Agreste will be fine. Besides, it's not like there's anything we can do about it now. His house is like the fucking Bastille."

"Actually," Max said thoughtfully. "That's not entirely true."

* * *

 **6:30 PM**

* * *

Alya Cesaire wasn't a bad person.

She was nice to her sisters (when they weren't being horrors), she stayed out of trouble (if it wasn't entirely necessary), and she didn't steal things (Adrien's phone notwithstanding).

Which is why she was completely and utterly _dumbfounded_ that a good and just universe (which Alya believed it _must_ be) would place her on the same godforsaken team as Chloe "just wait until my father hears about this" Bourgeois.

She must have done something awful in a past life because nothing she'd done in this one could warrant such torture.

"It won't be _so_ bad," Marinette told her as she whipped up what was sure to be some killer shirts for her team.

And maybe she would have believed her if it weren't for her friend's grimace as she said it. Alya groaned and threw herself face first onto Marinette's chaise.

"This is such a buzzkill," She grumbled. "I've been looking forward to this thing all year."

Marinette paused long enough in her sewing to shoot her a sympathetic smile.

"Honestly, being on Chloe's team doesn't mean you won't have fun. Trust me, no one hates her more than me and we managed to wreak a lot of havoc together."

"I know," She said. "I just didn't expect I'd be competing within my own team, you know?"

Alya's phone buzzed in quick succession as several text messages came in at once. Glancing at the sender Alya let out another long-suffering sigh as Chloe's texts blew up their team group chat.

"You have _got_ to be kidding me."

"What is it?"

Alya held out her phone in defeat. She could hear Marinette's laughter even as she tried to swallow it down.

"Oh my," Alya wanted to hit her for the grin she just knew her supposed best friend was sporting. "Well, at least the fabric should be soft."

The fabric _was_ soft.

That was the only saving grace of the godawful shirts Chloe had _specially made_. Alya fingered the edge of her assuredly expensive black t-shirt. She could have done without the golden rhinestone crown that sat smack center in the middle of her boobs, but what _really_ took the cake was the embossed cursive _Team Chloe_ on the back.

Awful. Past Alya must have been completely and totally _awful_ to be subject to this.

She caught Marinette's smug grin from across Alix's living room and narrowed her eyes.

 _Just see if I help_ **_her_ **_the next time she word vomits in front of Adrien._

Turnabout was, after all, fair play.

"Hey! Eyes over here, Cesaire." Chloe said, snapping a perfectly manicured hand in front of her face.

"I'm not a _dog_ , Chloe. If you snap your fingers at me one more time I'm going to break your hand."

"Hey, guys," Juleka said, quietly. "Can we maybe not do this tonight."

They both ignored her.

"There's no fraternizing with the enemy. You and Clumsinette can flirt on your own time. Tonight is for _winning_."

Not for the first time since Alix handed her her invitation, Alya considered walking out on the competition altogether. And maybe she would have if she thought that doing so wouldn't make Juleka's night a living hell or bring any measure of satisfaction to Chloe.

No. If she was going to be miserable then by god she was going to take this girl down with her.

"Careful Chloe," Alya grinned. "If you keep scowling like that you're going to get wrinkles."

There was some commotion across the room but Alya's father taught her to never turn her back on a wild animal and for all of Chloe's designer clothes and perfect hair, she knew better than most that the girl had claws.

"Guys," Juleka said, trying again. She was gesturing over Alya's shoulder towards the others. "I think they're-"

Chloe rolled her eyes and smirked. "Save your temper for the games. We've got a long night ahead of us and I don't intend to lose because _you_ couldn't keep up."

She made a sweeping gesture with her hand, one that seemed to encompass _all_ of her. Alya saw red and clenched her fist. Party be damned she was going to _deck_ this girl.

Suddenly Alya felt a sharp pain in her left shoulder before her entire arm went numb. She and Chloe let out twin yelps as they both looked aghast at Juleka who had each hand clenched into their shoulders on a pressure point Alya hadn't known even existed.

Juleka smiled and let go, motioning towards the other teams in the room as they gathered around a rather ornate looking fireplace where Alix and her brother stood, waiting.

"I think we're starting."

And they were.

Alix stood next to her brother, grinning, decked out in a green and black shirt she recognized as Marinette's handiwork. Beside her, Jalil Kubdel was stoic as he held what appeared to be three embossed envelopes that Alya assumed were the scavenger hunt lists. She moved forward in the crowd of girls to get a better look and accidentally made eye contact. Jalil pretended not to see her.

Alya rolled her eyes. The guy tried to sacrifice her. The _least_ he could do was smile.

"Ladies and GentleIvans," Alix said gravely. "Welcome to Girls Night Out 2017."

There were a scattering of whoops and cheers and an impressively shrill whistle from Mylene.

"Thank you," She continued, a grin giving away her excitement even as Jalil passed her the envelopes with all the solemnity of a priest. "I hold in my hands this year's list. It was put together by my brother to make sure that no team has an advantage."

Here Jalil gave a slight bow and Alya resisted the urge to snort. _This guy_.

"As we've got some newbies this year," Here she gestured towards Ivan and Alya, "We'll go over the basics."

"Each team has a list of dares to complete. You must take a picture of each dare being done and _everyone_ must be in the picture or it doesn't count. Each dare is worth a different amount of points depending on how hard it is to complete. The team with the most points at the end of the night wins."

"As always, there's an optional truth list tailored to each group. The answers are revealed at the end of the night before scores are revealed for extra points." Alix's eyes gleamed as she swayed from side to side.

Alya met Marinette's worried gaze and grinned as she remembered the questionnaire their host had passed out last month. She _should_ be worried.

"When it strikes midnight the game is over and everyone must make their way back here." There was a disgruntled murmur from her classmates and Alix rolled her eyes. "I know, I know, but Pops said we can't stay out all night like last time so midnight it is. Captains, you may collect your envelopes."

Alya didn't even bother moving as Chloe marched forward to claim their envelope, pushing Sabrina out of the way in the process.

"Sorry Sabrina, but there's no room for friendship in competition."

Rose and Mylene helped Sabrina up from the floor. The redhead waved them away and dusted herself off with a strained smile.

"I'm okay, guys."

 _Seriously **why** does Sabrina put up with her?_

Alya didn't have much time to follow that baffling train of thought before Alix hopped down to join Ivan and Marinette. Jalil stepped forward and cleared his throat before pulling out yet another, smaller envelope from his front coat pocket.

Not for the first time Alya marveled. _This_ was the akuma that nearly took her out.

The excited chatter that had erupted died down just as quickly as everyone watched with bated breath as Jalil slowly opened the envelope. There was a tension in the air, an anticipatory silence that seemed electric as it crackled between the now rapt audience. Even Alya, who wasn't entirely sure what they were waiting for, experienced the spine tingling pinpricks she usually only felt when she was chasing down a scoop.

"Every year," Jalil said, somberly. "Every year there is one item, belonging to a classmate, that it is your duty to collect. The team that collects said item will be awarded ten extra points to be added to their total score at the end of the night."

"Get _on_ with it, Jalil." Alix snapped. "We've only got a few hours."

"Honestly Alix, I'm doing this for _you_. It wouldn't kill you to be more appreciative."

" _Thank you_." She said through gritted teeth.

Jalil rolled his eyes.

" _As I was saying_ ," An unsettlingly devious grin lit his face, making him look more like Alix than he ever had before. Alya felt uneasy for the first time that night. "Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to track down and steal a pair of Adrien Agreste's boxers."

There was a moment - one brief, disbelieving moment- as his words sank in

and then

a loud, piercing _shriek._

Alya knew even before she turned around that it was her hopelessly mortified friend.

Alix looked towards Ivan and shook her head.

"We're so fucked."

* * *

 **7:25 PM**

* * *

It was the day that wouldn't end.

From the moment he handed in his last exam Adrien had been swept away by Natalie for an emergency photo shoot to fill in for a model who had contracted the chicken pox.

Plagg's grumbling _but it's summer_ fell on deaf ears as Adrien was whisked off by a flurry of frantic make-up artists and assistant photographers. It may have been the beginning of summer for the rest of Paris but Gabriel Agreste didn't believe in vacations.

Over the next hour, he was primped and washed and polished and spent the remainder of the afternoon pretending he wasn't as exhausted as he really was.

One day Ladybug and Chat Noir were going to catch up with Hawkmoth and when that day came, he was going to give the man a good punch to the face.

Midnight akuma attacks were few and far between but when they happened Adrien's regimented sleep cycle paid the price. He was just grateful for Ladybug's grumbling, sleep-deprived determination that lead to a relatively quick defeat.

After sharing an exhausted _bien joue_ the two heroes returned to their beds with only a few hours left before their final exam.

And Adrien would have managed the last minute change to his schedule just fine if his father hadn't already planned on him joining him at the Gabriel shareholder's dinner.

Which meant that as soon as the photographer got his last shot Adrien was once again collected by the Gorilla to take him back home with just enough time to wash up and change his clothes before his father trotted him out to play the dutiful son.

Which was why, after finally being released hours later, he barely made it to his couch before collapsing onto it in an exhausted pile.

There was an indignant yelp from Plagg, who had spent the better part of the evening in his front pocket, as a hundred something pounds of teenage superhero crashed down on top of him.

"A little warning would have been nice," The kwami said as he struggled out from beneath his charge.

Adrien grunted and buried his face further in the leather cushions.

Plagg scowled.

"Oh I'm _so_ sorry Plagg, I promise I will never do something so _inconsiderate_ again! Here, let me make it up to you by getting you some fresh camembert."

Adrien grunted again but gestured half-heartedly towards the mini fridge under his desk. Plagg took that as all the permission he needed before disappearing into the appliance to claim his prize.

There was a muffled squeal of delight and Adrien smiled despite his exhaustion.

For an ancient god Plagg had very simple needs.

"I really hate those dinners," He said as he flew out of the fridge with the wheel of camembert hanging precariously from his tiny paws. Plagg placed it gently down on the side table near Adrien's head before ripping into the packaging.

" _Ugh_ , can't you eat that at my desk or something."

He was ignored.

"Seriously, kid. Is your dad a robot or something? It's _summer_."

Adrien rolled over to face his kwami. "Do I really need to answer that?"

Plagg shrugged. "Well he should at least lighten up a bit. I mean, it's not like you're a bad kid or anything."

He smiled. "Thanks, Plagg."

"I mean, you're practically a grandpa with the way you act. Nothing to worry about there."

" _Thanks_ , Plagg."

The little god grinned. "Face it, kid. Before me you were on the fast track to a geriatric home."

Adrien scowled and somehow found the energy to push himself up. His shoulders ached something fierce and he rubbed at the knot that had formed during the hours of shooting. Modeling may not be as strenuous as fencing or... superheroing, but its lack of movement took a toll.

"All I'm saying is you could benefit from a little fun."

"I have fun," Adrien muttered.

"No. Like _fun_. Like rebel fun. Walk on the wild side fun." Plagg took a moment to shove another piece of camembert into his mouth. " _Unscheduled_ fun."

"I run around Paris in a leather cat suit," He said, poking the kawmi's now bulging cheek. "How much more rebellious can I possibly get?"

"Ir drn't knrw." Plagg swallowed. "What are those girls doing in your class?"

Adrien frowned. "The girls?"

"Yeah. They're doing something that's got the rest of you all worked up. Anything that causes that much chaos must be fun."

To be honest, he hadn't really thought much about what the girls were up to. Despite Nino's ominous premonitions, the day had been too full and Adrien too exhausted to give the issue much attention.

After Alix's ceremonial invitations were passed out, he finally managed to corner his friend in the library and get some answers.

"A scavenger hunt?"

Nino slumped over his notes and ignored his lunch in favor of burying his head in his arms.

"Every damn year since we were ten."

Adrien took in his friend's despondent state with increasing confusion.

"Well… that doesn't sound _too_ terrible."

"That's because _you're_ new. Trust me, it's the worst night of the year."

"I don't know man. Maybe you just need to chill." He frowned as, once again, Nino's hands went up to fidget with the brim of his hat. "Dude, what is _with_ you and the hat?"

"I wish I fucking knew!" Nino scowled and threw his hands into the air. Suddenly he froze and his eyes widened as if something terrible just occurred to him "Oh god, it's going to be so much worse this year."

"What makes you say that?"

Nino nodded to something over his shoulder.

"Alya."

Adrien turned around to see that Alya and Marinette had entered the library. Marinette was holding her red envelope in one hand and making wide sweeping gestures with the other. Alya laughed at something she said before being reprimanded by the librarian. The two girls shot her an apologetic glance before falling into each other with hushed giggles.

Catching Alya's eye Adrien smiled and waved.

The redhead waved back but Marinette, realizing where her attention had gone, flushed and waved frantically before tripping over a nearby chair.

Adrien resisted the urge to smile wider.

"Oh my god," Nino's distressed groan brought his attention back to the conversation at hand. "With her and Marinette I'll never hear the end of this."

Adrien frowned. "Marinette?"

"Yes."

" _Marinette_ -Marinette?"

"Yeah, dude. She's a terror."

"Marinette Dupain-Cheng?" He said, again.

Because there was no way he and Nino could be talking about the same girl. There was no way that sweet, blushing, clumsy Marinette could strike this much fear into his friend. Unless this was a residual effect of his crush.

Although he _had_ thought that Nino and Alya were starting something...

"You'll see soon enough, man." Nino shook his head and reached for his forgotten sandwich. "Yre brnd tr be their mern tergert."

"Excuse me?"

He swallowed. "They'll be coming after you."

This was news to him.

Adrien glanced back over his shoulder at the girls. They didn't _seem_ very threatening as they poured over their physics textbook. Nino was just exaggerating to get a rise out of him.

Or at least, that's what he thought until he caught Marinette's eye.

A warm, red blush covered her cheeks as she caught him staring, which wasn't anything extraordinary where she was concerned. Adrien had finally come to accept that he made her nervous. What _was_ unusual however and what gave him pause was the calculating gleam in her eyes.

It was a look he'd never seen from her and he would be lying if he said it wasn't a little disconcerting.

But now, hours later when he was no longer confronted by her assessing blue gaze, Nino's foreboding words, or Alix's knowing smirk, Adrien couldn't really bring himself to worry about anything but how he was going to drag himself from his couch to the bed.

Foregoing his usual nightly face routine and hoping that one missed night wouldn't come back to bite him in the ass, Adrien shrugged off his clothes and tossed them in his closet before pulling out a fresh set of boxers and crawling into bed.

Plagg could joke all he wanted about being old and missing out on life. Tonight, the only thing Adrien wanted to do was sleep.

Which was probably why he didn't hear them come in.

Adrien was a light sleeper on his worst days. But even his advanced senses held over from Plagg's transformation couldn't combat his sheer exhaustion.

So it was that when three shadows crept in through his door only forty-five minutes after he turned in, neither their clumsy fumbling nor their low curses roused the unconscious hero.

 _"Ouch!"_

 _"Nathaniel, I swear to god-"_

 _"Christ does the boy ever not look perfect?"_

As they approached the bed, one of the figures reached out and shook the mass of blankets on the bed. There was a disgruntled murmur, a shaking head, and an effort to burrow back down into the covers.

The shaking hand grew rougher.

Adrien jolted awake as he realized he was no longer alone in his room. Without Plagg's night vision all he could make out was a large, indistinct shadow looming over him. Adrien wound up his free arm and swung.

 **_Thwack._ **

"Oh my god what the _hell_ man!?"

 _"Shhhh!"_

Adrien opened his mouth to yell out for Plagg or the Gorilla when he was suddenly assaulted with several pairs of hands smacking him across the face in what he assumed was a misguided attempt to cover his mouth.

"Mmmpfhh!"

"I think you broke my face!"

 _"Shut up are you_ **_trying_ **_to blow our cover?"_

There was some shuffling, another quiet _fuck_ before a bright light lit up the room. Adrien had to shield his eyes against the cell phone's flashlight, but as they adjusted he took in the somber faces of Max, Nathaniel, and Kim, the latter of whom was still clutching his jaw.

Agitated, confused, but no longer at risk of calling out for his kwami, Adrien pushed their hands away from his mouth.

"What are you guys _doing_ here?"

Max pushed up his glasses. Nathaniel shifted nervously from one foot to the other. Kim's mouth twisted into some painful approximation of a smile as he hauled the tired model out of bed.

"Come on Agreste. We're busting you out of here."

* * *

 **7:20 PM**

* * *

" _They're_ certainly in a hurry," Mylene Haprele murmured as she watched the other teams race into the night. Ivan's laugh echoed down the street as he lumbered after Marinette and Alix. She smiled, knowing how excited he had been to be included tonight, only feeling a _little_ guilty at how disappointed he would be when her team destroyed them.

She turned to Rose and Sabrina, the latter of whom was focused on the other direction where Chloe's team had taken off running. Considering they were heading towards the more upscale part of the city, it took little effort to figure out what task they were hoping to tackle first.

 _Poor Adrien_.

Mylene, not for the first time that week, felt bad that no one seemed to have properly warned him about what was going to happen tonight. Although, when she thought about the task Alix's brother had set before them, she was starting to think that maybe Adrien wasn't the one who needed worrying over.

 _Poor_ **_Marinette_** _._

"Eh we'll catch up to them." Rose said, fussing with her pink bandana. "Where do you think we should start?"

None of them had much time to design t-shirts this year but the blonde had thought enough ahead to pick up the fabric in a show of team solidarity. Mylene decided to forego wearing it on her head for the sake of ease and kept it tied around her wrist. Sabrina chose to do the same.

"Well," Sabrina said, looking down at their list of tasks. "I know we said we would go for quantity over the highest points first, but the later the night gets the harder it will be to do some of these. Maybe we should start with Adrien or Nino?"

"Knowing Chloe and Alix they'll probably go after them first."

Rose laughed. "We're kind of at a distinct disadvantage for either."

"Yeah," Sabrina frowned. "We kind of got the short end of the stick on that one."

"Actually," Mylene said, fighting a grin. "Ivan mentioned something this morning that I think we might find useful."

" _Oh really?_ " Her teammates exchanged excited looks and Mylene could see the telltale competitive gleam in their eyes.

She hummed in excitement.

"We're gonna need some supplies."

* * *

 **7:35 PM**

* * *

Adrien wasn't entirely sure how it happened.

One moment he was comfortably ensconced in his warm sheets and drifting off into what hopefully would have been a dreamless sleep undisturbed by thoughts of akumas or schedules or photographers and the next he was being thrown over his classmate's shoulder and hauled out of his room like a sack of potatoes and not the student/model/superhero he was.

" _Wait_!" Adrien hissed, struggling against Kim's hold as he proceeded to carry him out into the hall.

He thought of Plagg, exhausted, cheese-induced comatose Plagg, and panicked. Kicking wildly, he tried to free himself from his hulking classmate's grip when he felt a sharp _smack_ on his ass.

Adrien froze in disbelief.

"Did you just _spank_ me?"

"Stop squirming. Don't want me to drop you and ruin the money maker."

No, because _that_ would require a conversation with his father about why his classmates were kidnapping him from his bed in the middle of the night and _that_ conversation would probably end with Adrien being home schooled. Again.

 _But_ ** _Plagg_** _…!_

"Can't I at least put on some pants?"

Max shook his head and tapped his calculator wristwatch. "There's no time."

"No time to put on _pants?_ " He hissed.

"The others are waiting and we have no idea when the girls got started. We can't risk the delay. Now _shut up_." The command was punctuated with another slap and Adrien felt all of the indignity of his situation as he stared down the rapidly receding halls. He caught Nathaniel's sheepish grin and resigned himself to his fate.

It wasn't until they crept through the kitchen and into the back garden through the servant's entrance that Kim finally set him down. Adrien scrambled away from his kidnappers and tried to strike a more dignified pose.

Kim snorted. "Nice boxers, Agreste."

Adrien crossed his arms over his chest. It was summer so he wasn't necessarily _cold_ but as he faced the scrutiny of his classmates he was feeling unaccountably shy.

"Yeah, well _someone_ wouldn't let me put on pants."

"Are those _Ladybug_ boxers?" Nathaniel asked, squinting at him in the dark of the garden.

Adrien could _feel_ the blood rushing to his cheeks and scowled. "How did you guys even get in there?"

"Well, actually it was rather simple after I–"

Kim waved Max off. "Unimportant."

Adrien thought his father might disagree.

"Listen, do you want to get caught? We've got to make it back to the safehouse before the girls catch up to us."

"The safehouse?" He asked Nathaniel as they slowly followed Max and Kim towards the back gate.

"Kim's mom's basement."

"Gotcha."

Sneaking out without his superpowers was disappointingly easy and Adrien mourned his lost youth as the boys escaped from the garden. Max quietly latched the gate behind them and the four of them let out a collective sigh of relief.

 _That wasn't so bad_.

It wasn't until they heard the sound of racing footsteps and an all too familiar voice crying out that Adrien felt his first flicker of fear.

 _"Hide!"_ Kim hissed before they all dove into the hedges that lined the Agreste estate.

Adrien watched through the leaves as first Chloe then Juleka then Alya raced past them towards the front gates of the manor.

"Do you really think they'll let us in?" Alya asked, skepticism clear.

"Of course they will! Adriekins and I do this all the time."

" _Really?_ "

Adrien's eyebrows rose. Chloe hadn't been over to hang out at his house since they were–

"Well we _used_ to do this all the time."

He smiled at her exasperation. _That_ was the Chloe he knew.

Nathaniel tapped his shoulder and motioned for him to follow as their little crusade crawled along the edge of his father's estate, sandwiched between the iron and hedges before breaking free when they were out of sight of the girls.

They stumbled out of the bushes as drunks stumble in the dark and Adrien knew he would have to come up with some viable explanations for the branch scratches he had sustained during their crawl. Those scratches however were the least of his worries as he realized that they hadn't stumbled onto the street alone.

A young couple stood frozen just a few feet away and stared at the four teens. Both of their eyes went straight to him of course because _of course_ they did when he was the only one who _wasn't wearing pants_. One of the women squinted at him in the dark and gasped. Adrien's stomach sank.

"Aren't you Adrien Agreste?"

Or rather, that what she had _started_ to say when Adrien panicked and grabbed Nathaniel's coat from his hands, throwing it at the startled couple before taking off down the street.

 _"You didn't see anything!"_

The shocked women turned away from the fleeing model and back to his classmates. Kim exchanged a concerned look with Max and Nathaniel before turning back to the aggrieved couple and shrugging.

"Celebrities, am I right?"

* * *

 **7:57 PM**

* * *

Anthony Gerard Charpentier was _not_ having a good night.

His latest story following the exploits of yet another American child star sewing their wild oats under the Parisian lights had only garnered minimal praise and lukewarm reception from his boss. The web traffic on his article couldn't even beat the goddamn fluff piece listicles one of the interns created during their lunch break.

It was disgusting. Anthony had spent _hours_ on that assignment only to be bested by a better butt listicle. What was the point of doing the work if he wasn't going to reap any of the results?

And now that the summer months were gearing up Anthony had even less to hope for. As their major celebrities fled for New York or Martinique or Bermuda he was going to be slogging for scraps through the B-list celebrity columns and watching as his already dismal career made its last circles around the drain.

He slammed his head on his desk and rested there. _Journalism is dead_.

A sharp _ping_ from his inbox let him know that another anonymous tip came in. The staff member with the lowest performing articles of the week was in charge of monitoring the inbox and Anthony resented every little red alert that reminded him of his failure.

 _Probably another Johnny Depp sighting_.

Anthony sighed as he opened up the email.

 **To:** **tipline**

 **Subject:**

 **model adrien agreste spotted with group of young boys running down the street near the agreste estate in nothing but his underwear. headed east**

 _Definitely not a Johnny Depp sighting_.

Anthony jumped up from his desk and scrambled for his camera bag. He ran past his boss's long suffering receptionist and out into the streets.His heart was pounding, the blood racing through his veins like so much electricity.

 _The scandal-free sheltered heir to the Gabriel fashion house running around Paris practically naked?_

He laughed, the sound carrying out into the night.

 _Perfect_.

* * *

 **8:13 PM**

* * *

It took the boys four streets to catch up to the panicked model and another three before they convinced him he was running in the wrong direction.

"How the hell did you get so _fast?_ " Nathaniel complained, holding his now-twitching side.

"It's a model thing?"

Adrien followed as Kim lead their group silently through several back alleyways and side streets, taking extra care to steer clear of any major thoroughfares or street lamps. Adrien was grateful that Max had been thoughtful enough to grab Adrien's sneakers when they hauled him out of his room. He really would have struggled if he'd had to run barefoot around the not-so pristine streets of Paris.

He watched as the shops grew scarce and the townhouses more prevalent before realizing that they were nearing the university. Kim turned down the back alleyway of one of the row houses before approaching a weather worn two-story brownstone. There was a guy, probably in his early twenties, lounging on the upper balcony and he gave a half-salute to Kim as they passed beneath him. Adrien thought they were heading towards the back door when Kim suddenly turned to a somewhat hidden staircase that lead down to what must have been the basement.

Max caught Adrien's confused look.

"Madam Le Chien rents out the top floor to university students."

"Don't worry about Michel, he's cool," Kim muttered. He rapped on the back door four times paused and then knocked again twice.

There was silence on the other end. The light in the window flickered once, twice, three times. Kim responded by knocking another tattoo and the door cracked open _very, very slightly_ to reveal half of Nino's face. Adrien grinned and waved at him.

"All clear?"

"We're good."

The door closed again and the sound of a chain sliding echoed through the door before Nino reappeared and hurried them inside. Adrien was barely through the door when his friend slammed it shut and bolted the lock.

With a deep, shoulder sagging sigh it looked like all of his stress fell away when he raised a fist that Adrien met with his own.

"Glad you made it bro."

"Thanks for including me." He paused. "Although a little heads up would have been nice."

Nino finally took in his appearance and let out a snort.

" _Nice_."

"Kim wouldn't let me put on pants."

"Eh," Nino shrugged and moved past him to reclaim his spot on the couch. "We're not going anywhere tonight so you don't really need them."

"Still," Adrien sighed. "Kim, do you think you can lend me some clothes?"

Kim merely shrugged and pushed Nino's legs off the end of the couch before flopping down onto it himself.

 _I guess that's a no_.

Taking his cue from the others Adrien pulled up a rather beat up looking bean bag from the corner of the room to join Max and Nathaniel who had already resumed their video game.

It wasn't much of a fight.

Max grinned triumphantly as he put the finishing move on Nathaniel's robot. The redhead threw his head back against the sofa in defeat.

"Don't worry about it Nath. You did pretty well this time."

Nathaniel shared a look with Adrien as if to say _can you believe this guy?_ before handing over the controller to him.

Adrien smiled and chose the black cat mecha.

It was nice, he decided, as he and Max started their match. Sure, he had been kidnapped, man-handled, and carried half-naked through the streets of Paris. And sure, if his father ever found out, Adrien could kiss his freedom goodbye. But all of that was overshadowed by the fact that his classmates liked him enough to include him in this night of… whatever it was. That they cared enough to try and protect him ( _a_ _superhero_ ) from whatever the girls had planned that had them all so spooked.

And so maybe most people wouldn't be excited at the prospect of their first (kind of) sleepover taking place in a basement, hiding, without the comfort of a sleeping bag or a toothbrush or clothes. But his friends _wanted_ him around.

At the end of the day that's all that really mattered.

After the novelty of Ultimate Mecha Strike wore off and Kim's mom brought down the pizzas they ordered, Adrien finally asked the question that had been bothering him for weeks.

"So what's the deal with the girls anyways?"

Kim scowled. "Do you want the long version or the short version?"

"Uh, what's the short version?"

"They're crazy."

"It's dipshit's fault over here," Nino said, kicking Kim in the arm. " _He's_ the one that told Alix that there was no way a party with a bunch of girls could be any fun."

"How the hell was I supposed to know it would launch a five year reign of terror?"

Nathaniel stared at him in disbelief. "It's _Alix_."

"Yeah whatever. This year we've got the best of them."

Adrien frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Well you're new so you're definitely the main target. Grabbing you and Nino will be enough to ruin their game."

"Why Nino?"

Max laughed. Nino scowled.

"It's not funny."

"It's kind of funny."

"They like taking his hat," Nathaniel explained. "It's like some point of pride with them."

Nino pulled down the hat in question to cover his face.

"Every goddamn year."

Adrien nodded, memories of the last few weeks finally making sense.

"Not this year," Kim said, reaching over to pat Nino's shoulder. "We're just going to hang here and lay low for the night."

"So we're hiding?" Adrien asked.

"We're _not_ hiding!" Kim said, scandalized. "Why does everyone keep saying that? It's a…a… dammit, _Max_?"

"Tactical retreat?" The boy supplied helpfully.

"Yes. That. It's a tactical retreat."

Adrien sighed. Ladybug said the same thing when akuma gained an edge in a fight.

They were _definitely_ hiding.

"It's kind of a shame though," Nino muttered through his hat. "Facing off those she-demons might almost be worth it to see Marinette fall to pieces."

"Dude you're so right!" Kim said. "Oh _man_ , it would have been so nice to pay her back for what she and Chloe pulled a few years ago."

"Or what she did to poor Nathaniel last year," Max said. The boy in question's face turned as bright as his hair.

"Ah," He coughed. "Y-yeah. Too bad that's not gonna happen."

Adrien listened in confusion. He'd already learned enough from Nino that Marinette, no matter how difficult it was to believe, was an absolute terror in this game.

"Why would this year be difficult for Marinette?"

There were very few times in Adrien's young life where he had experienced the full force of an awkward silence. Interactions with his father notwithstanding, most of Adrien's social experience was relatively free of the phenomenon. That didn't mean, however, that he couldn't recognize it when it smacked him in the face.

Because really what _else_ was he supposed to call the sudden and complete _tension_ in the room as his previously relaxed friends immediately clammed up, sharing equally horrified and accusatory glances.

"Guys?"

"Ah! Who wants more pizza?" Nino said, jumping off the couch and rushing for the card table where the boxes were laid out.

"You seriously still don't know?" Kim asked, frowning at Adrien in what he could only interpret as disbelief. "God, homeschooling really did a number on you."

"Dude, shut _up_." Nino hissed.

Nathaniel picked at the rug. "We promised we wouldn't say anything."

"Say what?" Adrien asked.

Max opened his mouth but Nino pointed a half eaten slice of pizza at him and swallowed loudly.

"Don't you dare! Alya will kill me."

"Like that's new." Kim rolled his eyes. "Just say it. He's going to find out eventually."

"Find out _what?_ "

"Marinette has a crush." Nathaniel muttered, not meeting his eyes.

"A… crush?"

Adrien frowned, confused. That was it? Marinette had a crush on someone? He ignored the confusing pang he felt at the thought of his sweet classmate liking one of his friends. Marinette was great. She _should_ have a crush on someone.

Adrien's eyes flickered over to Nathaniel, the Evillustrator incident fresh in his mind, and wondered if he was the recipient of her affections.

Maybe not judging from the look on his face.

"Yeah, a massive, monumental brain-frying crush," Kim said, reaching for another slice of pepperoni from the box a rather despondent looking Nino had carried over. "I can't believe you haven't noticed."

"I, uh, hadn't been paying attention, I guess." Adrien said, rubbing the back of his neck.

Nino snorted despite himself. "I'll say."

"So... who is it?"

For the second time that night the room went still. Adrien looked from Nino to Kim to Max to Nathaniel and then back to Nino. All of them wore the same disbelieving expression.

" _What?_ " He snapped, feeling like an idiot for not being in on what was apparently an open secret.

"It's you, dude." Kim said, shaking his head.

Adrien froze.

Him?

" _Me?_ " He squeaked.

Nino buried his head in his hands and groaned. "I'm so dead."

Adrien opened his mouth to say something, _anything_ , to ask things like _how_ and _why_ and _are you sure?_ but unfortunately Madame Le Chien chose that moment to knock on the door leading up to the first floor of the house.

"Kim! The rest of your friends are here."

Kim sat up, horrified.

"Wait, Mom, don't!"

But it was too late.

At the top of the interior stairs stood Alix and Marinette ( _Marinette who apparently had a crush on him Marinette!_ ) holding what appeared to be water guns and wearing equally maniacal grins.

"Hello boys."

* * *

 **A/N: poor Adrien**


	2. Chapter 2

****A/N: This story was a part of a challenge called Miraculous Big Bang 2k17. My partner salty-french-fry created some amazing art that you can check out on her tumblr or on this story posted on AO3 under the username LNC. Enjoy!****

 **Chapter Two:**

* * *

 **8:40 PM**

* * *

Marinette shifted anxiously from one foot to the other as she and Alix watched Ivan slip around the back of Kim's house to the basement entrance.

During their earlier sweep of the building they were horrified to find Madame Le Chien's tenant out on the balcony, but when he caught them sneaking around the alleyway he merely waved them on and went back to his book. Catching Marinette's worried glance, Alix only smiled.

"Don't worry about Michel. He's cool."

But now, as they prepared to launch their first attack of the evening, Marinette couldn't _help_ but worry. This was her first time at one of Alix's parties since she'd become Ladybug. She felt all of the nervous energy that accompanied a fight with none of the reassuring familiarity of her super suit.

Her mind kept running through scenarios. All of the ways their plan could go wrong. All of the ways Nino might escape before they made their grab. Every little movement, from the rustling of the trees to the back alley cats running through the trash cans had her hands twitching for her yoyo.

She kept finding one of Ivan's Super Soakers instead.

"Are you _sure_ his mom will let us in?"

"Absolutely," Alix said, readjusting the bag at her side where she'd hidden her own weapon. "She loves me."

"But what if Kim warned her not to let you in?"

She shrugged. "It won't matter. She hopes Kim and I will be a thing."

Marinette looked away from the house to her friend. "Wait, I thought–"

"He is. But she doesn't know that."

Marinette's phone lit up with a text from Ivan letting them know he was in position. Alix's smile was downright _evil_.

"You ready Dupain-Cheng?"

Marinette grinned. "I was born ready."

Marinette was _not_ ready.

From the moment she and Alix appeared at the top of the stairs it was chaos. The boys, previously lounging around a half-eaten box of pizza let out what she could only describe as _squeals_ (no matter what Kim would later try to claim) and scrambled gracelessly to their feet.

Max and Nathaniel ran for what appeared to be a coat closet while Kim grabbed, of all things, a nearby baseball bat and waved it threateningly in their direction.

"Don't make me use this!"

Alix laughed. "You gonna take a swing at us, slugger?"

" _Yes_ ," Kim growled, but his shaking hands betrayed him.

Marinette ignored them both and focused on Nino who was predictably the first one at the back door. His trembling hands were fumbling with the deadbolt and she couldn't help but feel a little sorry for him when his triumphant _hah!_ transformed into a yelp as the door was wrenched open to reveal Ivan, his own water gun in hand, pointed directly at Nino's chest.

"Sup?" The giant said, grinning as the terrified boy scrambled back into the room where his back met the end of Marinette's gun.

"Hey there Mr. DJ," She crooned. "I think you've got something that belongs to– _AGH!"_

Marinette was blindsided by a tackle from her left. She barely had time to register the unsettlingly familiar voice of her attacker shouting _run, Nino, run!_ before instinct kicked in and she rolled with her assailant, dropping her weapon in favor of wrestling them to the ground.

"Not this time," She grunted, smirking when she pinned both of her attacker's arms over their head. Squeezing her thighs around their struggling hips Marinette felt more than a little pleased that her reflexes remained just as sharp without her suit. Unfortunately her triumphant, _you'll have to do better than **that**_ strangled in her throat the moment she met the very green, very startled eyes of one Adrien Agreste.

"A-A-Adrien?" She stammered.

His eyes were wide and just as disbelieving as a red flush to rival her own worked its way up his bare chest and neck and " _Oh my god!"_ she shrieked as she realized she was straddling the nearly naked love of her life.

Marinette sprang off of him as if she were burned. "Why aren't you wearing _pants?_ "

"Marinette!" Alix snapped. "Stop ogling and start running! Lahiffe's getting away!"

Marinette tore her eyes away from Adrien's bare stomach just in time to see Nino disappearing behind the door leading upstairs into Kim's house.

"Shit," She muttered, taking off after her friend and trying desperately to forget how it felt to have Adrien Agreste underneath her.

 _Now is not the time for your crush, Marinette_.

As she ran out of the house, throwing out a rushed _Au revoire Madame Le Chien!_ in her wake, she could hear Alix's fading cry of "Damn Agreste. I thought all of that was photoshopped in." followed quickly by muffled shouting from the others.

It was stupidly easy to catch up to Nino as he ran screaming down the street. It was clear to Marinette that the DJ spent more time with his tracks than running track and he cursed her roundly when she inevitably caught up with him and wrestled the red hat from his head.

"Sorry Nino!" She said, laughing, not sorry at all as she stared down at her defeated friend. "I promise I'll take good care of it for you."

(Un)fortunately for Marinette, by the time she rejoined Ivan and Alix, Adrien was long gone. Her teammates' sour expressions eased marginally when they realized she'd snagged Nino's hat but it was clear they were frustrated that the other boy escaped. They all lost their super soakers in the attack and both Ivan and Alix appeared to be on the losing end of that particular fight.

Alix scowled as she wrung out her t-shirt.

"Now what? There's no way we can catch up to him now. That boy is like a freaking cheetah."

Ivan nodded. "He's more likely to accidentally run into the others than let us get him."

"Not to mention he's only got the one pair of boxers," Alix finished, letting her soaked shirt slap back onto her stomach.

Marinette's chest tightened with guilt. They all knew, even if her friends were too kind to say it, that it was her hesitation that cost them _that_ particular prize.

She had to make it right.

As if sensing her thoughts she felt Tikki's agitated fluttering in her purse and knew that her kwami wouldn't approve of what she was planning.

Marinette ignored her.

"Well," She said, slowly, biting her bottom lip. "I may have an idea. Although it's not exactly… legal."

Ivan and Alix exchanged a _look_ before breaking out into matching grins.

"We're in."

* * *

 **8:57 PM**

* * *

His underwear.

His _underwear_.

Of all the goddamn things in the world–

Out of everything his father's guilt-ridden conscience ever bought for him–

Alix fucking Kubdel went and chose his **_underwear_ ** to be the holy grail of her birthday party.

Nino did not do _nearly_ enough to warn him about this night.

"Some friend he is," Adrien muttered as he zig-zagged through the back alleyways of Kim's neighborhood in an attempt to throw off his pursuers and put as much distance between himself and the orchestrators of this insane night as possible.

"You can make this all stop if you just lose the boxers now, Agreste," Alix had said, grinning maniacally as she and Ivan closed in on him. Marinette's footsteps were just an echo on the stairwell as she took off after Nino.

Adrien, to his chagrin, was still stun-struck from the revelation that _Marinette Dupain-Cheng_ was apparently a little bit in love with him _and_ had the ability to pin him to the ground without breaking a sweat.

Her triumphant _you'll have to do better than that_ and its accompanying grin sent a painful jolt straight to his heart and made him feel things best left unexamined until he was alone.

The night probably would have ended there if it weren't for Max and Nathaniel charging at his captors with old silly string and a tennis racket. Kim had joined in the attack by launching himself onto Ivan's back and screaming _Go! Go! Go!_

He was gone.

Up the back stairs and out into the alleyway. Past the lounging Michel and over the stone fence. Adrien Agreste didn't need to be told twice when to make a break for it.

 _This would be so much easier if I had Plagg_.

If he had Plagg then he wouldn't be at the mercy of his classmates. If he had Plagg then he wouldn't be running the risk of complete and total social lockdown courtesy of one Gabriel Agreste. If he had Plagg his sockless feet wouldn't be chafing at the inside of his well-loved sneakers and if he had Plagg–

Adrien rounded another corner only to find himself at a dead end.

"Well, well, well," A deceptively cheerful voice said from behind him sending the hairs on the back of his neck standing up straight. "Look what I found girls."

Adrien sighed, resigned, and turned around.

Standing at the mouth of the alley, pink and smiling and absolutely _terrifying_ , stood Sabrina, Mylene, and Rose. As they stepped closer, he could see their faces were covered in paint, each one of them sporting some variation of whiskers and flowers and butterflies.

"What are the odds you ladies will just let me go?"

Sabrina stepped forward with a small grin and placed a hand on his shoulder. He tried not to flinch.

"Don't worry, Adrien." She said sweetly. "We're not going to hurt you."

There was a sensation of cool metal encircling his wrist followed by a soft _click_. He looked down to see Rose's hand resting next to his. Or rather, he looked down to see Rose's hand _handcuffed_ to his.

He tried to pull away, knowing it was futile, and watched in horror as Rose's dainty wrist followed. Her delighted giggling echoed in his ears.

"Where the hell did you guys get _handcuffs?_ "

Sabrina smiled. "I know a guy."

"Oh my god."

"Don't be like that," Mylene sidled up to him with a smirk. "Think of it as a friendship bracelet."

"You guys are insane."

"Hardly," Sabrina rolled her eyes and consulted the piece of paper in her hand. "Now come on, Agreste. We've got places to be."

* * *

 **8:50 PM**

* * *

" _Fuck_."

Chloe Bourgeois scowled as she watched a disheveled and hatless Nino Lahiffe slink back into the Le Chien house. It was just her fucking luck that not only had Adriekins decided to turn in early like the sheltered, little lamb he was (on the first day of summer no less she _really_ needed to help that boy get a life) but their foiled attempt at collecting on one of the biggest items on the list meant that they missed their chance with Lahiffe's hat as well.

"Well that's just great," Alya said. "What the hell are we supposed to do now?"

"Don't look at _me_. This isn't _my_ fault."

"Oh really?" The wanna-be journalist snapped. "What was all that about _'Adriekins and I are like_ **_this_** _'_?"

Chloe grit her teeth. "Don't call him that."

Alya rolled her eyes. "Whatever. The point is we're down one pair of boxers, one hat, and we've got some _major_ ground to cover if we want even a chance at winning this thing."

"I know how the game works, Cesaire."

Juleka slipped between the two girls who backed away quickly in an effort to avoid her hands. She smiled and held up their list.

"Some of the stuff on here is pretty specific. I don't think we should give up Nino's hat as a lost cause just yet."

Chloe snatched the paper out of her hand, scanning until she came to the item in question. _Gotcha_ , she smirked. Shoving the list back to the others, she whipped out her phone until she reached the number of her father's hotel.

"Don't worry ladies," She sang. "The night is young and you've got me as your secret weapon."

Alya shared a look with Juleka before examining the list again. Her eyes skipped over the easier, less valuable tasks until they lighted on one that proved promising. _For more reasons than one_ , Alya thought grimly as she watched her snotty teammate twirl her fingers through her ponytail and bark orders into her phone.

Chloe snapped it shut with a self-satisfied grin, flouncing over to them with a haughty _you're welcome_.

"Well, while we wait for the others I found something big we can cross off the list."

Alya's finger tapped tauntingly over the task. Juleka's soft _oh_ was drowned out by Chloe's adamant _absolutely not._

There was absolutely, positively, no way in _hell_ she was going to… to… to do _that_.

Cesaire's know-it-all glare caught her own.

"I didn't take you for a coward, Bourgeois."

 _Motherfucker._

* * *

 **8:59 PM**

* * *

Nino Lahiffe was a man undone.

Five years of being hunted, man-handled (girl-handled?) and stripped down like a pig in a butcher shop had taken its toll. No longer was he the fresh-faced eleven year-old boy who ran screaming like a terrified child from a bunch of girls.

Or rather, no longer _anymore_.

Nino rubbed his hands over his bare head, his missing cap revealing his defeat to his fallen comrades as he slowly descended the staircase into the basement.

"I can't believe your mom just let them in," Nathaniel said, picking up one of the chairs that had been knocked over during the struggle. Couch cushions, pillows, chairs, and clothes were only some of the casualties of the girls' assault.

"I can," Kim groaned.

"You okay, Nino?" Max asked as the boy in question slunk vacant-eyed and trembling into the room.

The answer was no, he was not okay.

He was _furious_.

The old Nino was dead. Sacrificed on the altar of birthday shenanigans.

But no more.

Not this year, not this time

not again.

Somewhere on the streets of Paris his best friend wandered. Defenseless, ill-informed, and unequipped to stop their classmates and their unholy reign of terror.

"Nathaniel," He said lowly. "Does your dad still have those paintball guns?"

"Uh, yeah. I think so. Why?"

Nino straightened his glasses with a grim smile.

"Boys, we're going out."

* * *

 **9:13 PM**

* * *

Marinette scaled the walls of the Agreste mansion with all the trepidation of a thief. Which, technically, she was, despite what her costume might lead others to believe.

"I can't believe I'm doing this," she muttered as she pulled herself up onto what appeared to be a guest room balcony.

It would have been easier if she could have just swung directly into Adrien's bedroom, but with Alix and Ivan standing watch at the back gate (at Marinette's insistence) there was no way she would have been able to transform and enter through his window undetected.

It was miracle enough that she was able to convince her teammates to wait outside the property for her.

"And just how do you expect to get inside, D-C?"

"I have my ways," She said evasively, which ultimately backfired when Alix teased her for being 'such a stalker' and promised that as long as Marinette produced the goods she wouldn't report her to Sabrina's father.

Marinette tried to stammer out some kind of denial but Ivan merely grinned and gave her a thumbs up so she gave up her dignity as a lost cause.

It served her right for ogling Adrien's abs instead of keeping her head in the game.

She recalled Adrien's bedroom being on the third floor of the mansion so if she could just make it inside the house she should be able to locate it from there.

Unfortunately, nothing was ever that simple. Although why she should be _surprised_ that Gabriel "I'm going to lock up my son to protect him from the outside world" Agreste would keep all of the doors and windows locked was anyone's guess.

But she wasn't Ladybug for nothing.

"Lucky Charm!" She whispered.

A red and black lockpick dropped into her hands. Marinette grinned and got to work.

From there it was surprisingly easy to find Adrien's room. Memories of her time here during Jackady gave her enough information to navigate the maze of rooms. She hesitated at his door, her heart pounding in that horrible mixture of terror and excitement that always accompanied thoughts of her crush, but she ruthlessly shoved them aside. She knew for a fact that he wasn't in there and she was on a _mission_ dammit.

The lights from the city shone brightly through the large, floor to ceiling windows, illuminating the room in their soft glow. Marinette wondered idly whether the lights kept him up during the night or if they comforted him as he fell asleep. Sometimes on her worst nights, she would climb up onto her balcony and watch the lights blink in and out as the lives of Paris played out before her like an electric symphony. It was nice, sometimes, to be reminded that she wasn't alone. Maybe Adrien felt the same way.

Her earring beeped, forcing her to focus on the task at hand. Marinette's eyes scanned the room, ignoring the disaster of pillows and blankets half flung off the bed, until she found his closet.

 _Gotcha_.

Fully aware of her limited time, she rushed forward and opened the closet door only to be hit in the face with something small and black and _sharp_.

Stifling a scream, Marinette flung the creature away and unhooked her yoyo, her eyes trying and failing to locate whatever it was that attacked her.

There was nothing.

Her earring beeped again and she cursed. Turning back towards the closet she yelped as she met a pair of narrowed, glowing green eyes.

" _Where the hell is Adrien?_ "

* * *

 **9:32 PM**

* * *

 **"** _Le Grand Paris?_ "

Adrien stared up at the gilded hotel with a burgeoning sense of dread.

This couldn't possibly be a good idea.

"Come on, Adrien," Rose giggled, pulling him forward. His motions were robotic as his arm followed hers in pitiable resignation.

 _Leave it to Sabrina to steal her father's handcuffs_.

"How do you even expect to get inside?" He asked, trying and failing to keep his voice from cracking.

This had to be some sort of trap. There was no way this wasn't a trap.

If this night had taught him anything it was to not underestimate his classmates.

Adrien's eyes drifted over to Mylene, who, not even twenty minutes ago, had been nearly as exposed as himself and standing on a scandalized Mendeleive's doorstep.

 _At least she had a mask_ , he thought grimly, ducking down to hide his face as another wave of pedestrians passed by.

"Seriously isn't there _anything_ else you guys can do?" He pleaded. "There's no way Chloe hasn't put the staff on guard."

Panic roiled in his stomach at the thought of being caught by Chloe _and_ Alya. There's no telling what those two might do, even with Juleka there as a tempering presence.

Mylene merely waved the list towards him with a small grin. "Not for three points there's not."

 _Or not_.

Adrien was quickly coming to the realization that even the supposedly sane ones were running mad tonight.

"So what's the plan, Sabrina?" She asked, ignoring the way their captive's face was turning green. "How are we getting to the roof?"

"The _roof?_ " He squeaked.

Rose nodded enthusiastically. "That's where the pool is silly."

"The _pool?_ "

"Already taken care of," Sabrina said, reaching into the collar of her shirt and pulling out what appeared to be an access card. "Jean Pierre and I are pretty tight."

Adrien groaned into his hands.

This was a _terrible_ idea.

* * *

 **9:37 PM**

* * *

This was a _fantastic_ idea.

Anthony Gerard Charpentier grinned, clutching his camera gleefully to his chest as he climbed into the staff elevator of _Le Grand Paris_. One of his connections from school, a journalist moonlighting as a maid to make ends meet, was only too happy to leave the back entrance of the loading dock cracked open in exchange for fifty euros.

Sometimes it was just too easy.

A few greased palms here, a well placed search engine alert there, and some impeccable sleuthing on his part made finding the Agreste boy a piece of cake.

He still wasn't entirely sure what the boy was up to but that didn't make the photos he'd snagged so far any less valuable.

 _The handcuffs are a nice touch_ , he thought, pausing on the image of Adrien Agreste being shackled to a blonde pixie girl. He didn't recognize any of the three young women, although the red headed one looked a bit familiar. That homework could be done when he was out of the field.

The elevator pinged softly as he hit the rooftop and he was grateful that the service elevator emptied out onto the opposite end of the roof than the pool. Creeping slowly around the edge of the wall, Anthony raised his camera into position as he caught sight of the four teens huddled on the deck.

"No way. Absolutely not!" The Agreste boy shouted, scrambling away from the edge of the water and pulling the blonde pixie with him.

"You have to," Another said. "Rose, Sabrina, and I all have to jump which means you're jumping too."

"I am _not_ going to get what little clothes I _do_ have wet."

The pixie laughed and shook their joined wrists. "You don't have much of a choice."

"You can let me go," Agreste said and the three girls laughed.

 _Interesting_.

"Not a chance, Adrien," The redheaded one said, coming up behind him with a grin.

"You can't make m– _ack!_ "

His words were cut off with a loud _splash!_ Followed quickly by two more as the remaining girls joined their soaking friends.

Anthony's fingers were trigger quick as he caught the sequence, filing away their conversation for later.

The lighthearted giggling of teenage girls echoed across the rooftop as the model sputtered out curses.

Unfortunately (for them) the teenagers were quickly swarmed on all sides as what appeared to be hotel security stumbled out from behind the guest elevator on the opposite side of the deck. They were lead by a man in an impeccably tailored black and white suit and Anthony recognized him as the head butler for the hotel staff.

He should know. He'd been chased out by him many times before.

There was a soft gasp from one of the girls in the pool and a betrayed, "Jean Pierre?"

The butler in question shook his head, albeit a bit chagrined.

"I'm sorry Miss Raincomprix. But Miss Bourgeois made a call."

 _Raincomprix?_

Anthony narrowed his eyes at the name before realization struck. Smirking, he snapped a few more shots before slinking back into the service elevator.

 _This night just keeps getting better and better._  
 **  
**

* * *

 **9:27 PM**

* * *

 _This night is a complete disaster_.

Marinette sat slumped on the floor, her back pressed against the side of Adrien's - no _Chat's_ \- couch, numb and disbelieving as she watched the red and black kwamis dance excitedly around each other.

Oh god.

Chat Noir.

Her _partner_.

Adrien _freaking_ Agreste.

" _Motherfu–_ "

"Marinette!" Tikki scolded, cutting off her charge's incredulous whisper.

"It's okay, pigtails." The black kawmi said, floating over to rest on her limp knee. "The boy's not as pathetic as he seems."

"Plagg!"

"That's a _good_ thing, Tikki." The strange kwami - Plagg? - rolled his eyes and gave Marinette a toothy grin. "Honestly, how do you put up with her?"

She blinked and shook her head slowly. "Um."

Plagg sighed. "You're usually much more articulate."

His eyes lit up then with an unholy sort of gleam. "Well, _most_ of the time."

Marinette couldn't stop the loud _squeak_ that escaped her then nor could she hide the fire engine red blush blazing its way up her neck. In her distress she ended up launching the kwami off of her knees as she buried her face in her arms on her legs.

 _Oh my_ **_god_ ** _Adrien is Chat Noir._

"You know," A teasing voice said near her ear. "The quicker you accept it, the quicker we can get to the fun part of the evening."

Marinette raised her head just enough so she could make eye contact with Plagg.

"What do you mean?" She asked, more than a little suspicious. Especially when she saw Tikki fluttering behind him, her small body shaking in agitated disapproval.

"Plagg," Her kwami said, a warning clear in her voice. "Don't."

Plagg ignored her and focused on Marinette. It was strange, she thought, to see Chat Noir's familiar gaze in his own.

"Come on, bug. Think about it. Thanks to those idiots in your class my kitten is out there defenseless and almost as naked as the day he was born."

 _I know_ , she thought with not nearly as much shame as she should have felt. _I was straddling him_.

"And just whose fault is _that?_ " Tikki snapped, flying between the black kwami and her charge. "You should have gone with him."

"And just _where_ would I have gone, Tikki? It's not like he was wearing anything I could have hid in and I am _not_ doing _that_ again."

Marinette fought off another blush and pushed away all thoughts of Adrien (Chat Noir!) and his state of undress. Plagg noticed her glazed expression however and flashed her another toothy grin.

She caught it and a part of her just _died_.

"Besides," He said lazily, flying around his ruffled partner to once again take a place on Marinette's knee. "The kid is due for a little crazy."

"So you _don't_ want us to bring him back to you?" She asked, narrowing her eyes as she sized up the mischievous god.

"Well, not right away." He sniffed, feigning disinterest. "He'll be fine. Just take me with you in case any… trouble… comes up. I can keep watch over him from afar."

" _Hah!_ You just want to watch him make a fool of himself." Tikki said. "What we _should_ do is get you back to him right away."

"Yeaaaaah," Plag said. "But where's the fun in that?"

He caught Marinette's assessing look and winked.

"Stop trying to corrupt my Ladybug!"

Marinette ignored Tikki's outburst and met Plagg's sly smile with a grin of her own.

"You're a bad kwami aren't you?"

He looked her up and down. "I could say the same about you, pigtails."

Tikki let out a tiny shriek of frustration.

 _This_ was going to be fun.

* * *

 **9:41 PM**

* * *

Adrien wanted a refund.

He didn't know who he needed to talk to or what cosmic complaint department he needed to deal with but at this point he was ready to storm the metaphorical manager's office and raise hell.

When Plagg told him he was the embodiment of bad luck he never anticipated anything like _this_.

Drenched like a rat in the rain, wet hair clinging to his forehead, and trying desperately to keep his sopping boxers from clinging to his skin and giving his captors a show no one paid to see.

Greater cosmic forces _must_ be at work and Adrien was fairly confident that _Ladybug_ never had to deal with this kind of thing.

Adrien scowled and burrowed further into one of the large, white towels that Jean Pierre had so graciously provided for them.

Well, as gracious as one can be when they're holding you hostage.

"I'm so sorry guys," Sabrina said quietly. "I honestly thought we wouldn't get caught."

"Hey," Mylene said, resting a hand on the disappointed girl's shoulder. "Don't even worry about it. We never would have even made it in here without you."

"Yeah," Rose smiled. "Besides we completed the task! Nothing Chloe does can take those points away."

Sabrina shook her head and gestured to Adrien. "But we've probably lost him and his points in the process."

"Oh, I wouldn't worry too much about that!" Rose said, swinging her cuffed arm and Adrien's along with it. "He's not going anywhere."

"I wouldn't be too sure about that."

Adrien shuddered at the sheer _glee_ he heard in Chloe's voice before Rose's abrupt turn towards the office entrance yanked him around as well.

Even years of training couldn't hide his shock as he caught sight of his childhood friend.

Sabrina let out a horrified gasp.

"Chloe, your _hair!_ "

"Not. A. Word." She growled, her hands clenching and unclenching at her sides as if she were trying to strangle the air. She tossed her now jet-black locks and stared down the room. "I don't want to hear a word from anyone."

"Chill out, Bourgeois. Your _sacrifice_ was worth four points alone." Alya smirked, sticking her head around the glowering girl to peek into the room. Her eyes lit up when she spotted him. "Well, well, well. Looks like sunshine made it out of the house tonight after all."

"Hi Alya."

She laughed side-stepping Chloe entirely. "You don't sound too happy to see me."

"Forgive me," Adrien said, rolling his eyes. "It's been a rough night."

"I can see that." Alya gave him a once over and grinned. "Felt like putting on a show did ya?"

Adrien buried his face in his hands and let out a frustrated whine.

She laughed.

"Where's Juleka?" Rose asked.

"Oh she's around," Chloe said just as Juleka reappeared with a large man in coveralls. Rose (and therefore Adrien) gave an excited wave which the goth girl returned with a smile. Chloe pointed the man in his direction and it was then that Adrien noticed the pair of bolt cutters in his hands.

"Him, Marcel. If you can just cut that off we'll be on our way."

"Wait!" Sabrina shouted, jumping in front of Marcel. "You can't cut him loose my dad will kill me if he finds out I took his handcuffs."

Chloe narrowed her eyes at her best friend. "Then I guess you have a decision to make don't you?"

Sabrina frowned and shared a look with her teammates. Mylene and Rose nodded but not before sending a nasty look in their captor's direction. Sighing, the girl pulled a small silver key from her pocket and unlocked the cuff from Rose's wrist.

Adrien only had a moment to celebrate his freedom before Alya grabbed his other hand and cuffed it with the first.

" _Seriously?_ "

"Let's go Sunshine. We're on a deadline."

As Alya and Juleka lead him out like the prisoner he was Adrien heard Chloe tell her butler to keep the others locked up for another half hour before setting them loose.

He frowned when she rejoined them. "Really Chloe?"

"What? I'm being _nice_. Last year I locked Marinette in a closet for the entire night."

She stood up on her tiptoes to plant a quick kiss on his cheek. "Aren't you proud of me?"

Adrien sighed, resigned.

At least it was an improvement.

* * *

 **10:10 PM**

* * *

"Open up Kubdel! I know you're in there!"

Nino's fist pounded against the large, ornate front door with all the righteous indignation of a man wronged.

Too long. The girls had gone unchecked for _far_ too long.

"Maybe he's asleep?" Nathaniel offered.

"Oh no. There's no way the only adult supervision – don't give me that look Nino I'm using the word generously – for Alix's crazy hoard went to bed while they're still running rampage across the city." Kim's fist joined Nino's. "Jalil we _know_ you're in there! We can keep this up all night if we have to."

There was some muffled shuffling on the other side of the door. Jalil opened the door with a beleaguered sigh and leaned against the frame.

"Can I help you?"

"Where's Alix?" Nino growled.

"Out."

Nathaniel surreptitiously reached out to take his father's paintball gun out of Nino's shaking hands as the angry boy took a step closer to Jalil.

Jalil didn't flinch. He caught sight of Nino's bare head and smiled.

"Oh they got you already did they?"

"I _swear–_ "

"Hey!" Kim said, slapping his friend hard on the back. "We're cool here. It's all good."

Jalil's eyes focused in on the paint ball guns and the girls' confiscated super soakers. "I can see that."

"Actually," Kim said. "We were wondering if you would be interested in a trade."

"A trade?" He asked skeptically.

"Of information." Max clarified. "Alix mentioned you were encountering some difficulties with your artifact reconstruction project. I believe we can help you there."

Kim shoved Nathaniel forward nearly knocking him off his feet. "You won't believe what this guy can do with a brush."

Jalil considered them for a moment before opening the door wide and gesturing for them to come in.

"I'm listening."

* * *

 **10:12 PM**

* * *

Nathalie Sancouer needed a vacation.

10 PM on a Friday night and she was _still_ on the clock. Although technically she was never really _off_ the clock. Not when her boss was an international fashion mogul who occasionally moonlighted as a super villain.

 _I don't get paid nearly enough for this._

Nathalie scowled as she worked through the last minute changes to her employer's schedule. Sure Gabriel Agreste sometimes possessed innocent civilians but keeping her until all hours of the night on what was _supposed_ to be her weekend off was downright _evil_.

When she originally applied for the position of his personal assistant she hadn't realized she would be taking on the roles of housekeeper, henchman, and nanny along with it.

Her employer could design a whole line of hats based on the number of jobs she took on.

She would give him a piece of her mind if she didn't know that's exactly what he wanted. Nathalie had a sneaking suspicion that the sudden spike in late-even-for-her nights were a not-so-subtle attempt at trying to akumatize her.

 _I definitely_ _don't get paid enough for_ ** _that_** _._

A loud _ping_ from her tablet grabbed her attention. She sighed, setting aside her endless paperwork.

Gabriel Agreste's hyper fixation with image and the family name meant that she was required to keep a particularly close eye on any potential developments, harmful or otherwise. She had long ago set up an alert system when key phrases appeared online. Usually they were harmless like mentions of an upcoming runway show or Hawkmoth's latest akuma.

Sometimes however…

 _Rumor has it that golden boy Adrien Agreste just made a splash at Le Grand Paris. Looks like the teenager is ready to let it_ all _hang out. Photos to come._

Goddammit.

Nathalie didn't have to check his room to know that it would be empty. Adrien had gotten adept at sneaking out of the house over the years although he was usually more discrete than this.

Briefly, she considered finding her employer and alerting him to the possible scandal unfolding somewhere on the streets of Paris. That thought was quickly pushed away however when an image of the poor boy put back under house arrest flashed in her mind.

No. This was a problem that required tact and stealth not a rampaging akuma destroying half the city.

She turned on her bluetooth and dialed the number for Adrien's bodyguard.

 _I never had to deal with this shit when I worked with Rabanne._

* * *

 **A/N: nathalie does not get paid enough to deal with this shit**


	3. Chapter 3

****A/N: This story was a part of a challenge called Miraculous Big Bang 2k17. My partner salty-french-fry created some amazing art that you can check out on her tumblr or on this story posted on AO3 under the username LNC. Enjoy!****

 **Chapter Three:**

* * *

 **10:27 PM**

* * *

"Are you sure you know where you're going?"

"Ivan I swear to god if you ask me that one more time I will climb up your freakishly large body and smack that mouth right off you."

"Have you ever considered that maybe you're just freakishly small, Alix."

The _not_ freakishly small girl whirled on Marinette with a scowl.

"Don't _you_ start with me Mademoiselle _Eugh-buh-glah_!"

"I got the boxers didn't I? I think that's worth dropping at least one nonsensical syllable."

"We'll see. Here, this is it!"

The trio stopped in front of the large wooden door that lead to Principal Damocles' office. Alix fished around in her pocket before producing a well loved bobby pin. At Marinette's skeptical look she rolled her eyes.

"Don't get all noble on me now, D-C. I would have thought a little light trespassing was old hat at this point."

"I'm not. By all means, continue. I was just wondering how _that_ was supposed to get us in."

Alix smirked as a light _click_ echoed in the empty halls and pushed open the door.

"You were saying?"

The building erupted with a shrill, piercing wail.

Marinette slapped her hands over her ears.

"What did you _do?_ " Ivan yelled over the bells of the fire alarm.

" _Nothing!_ That wasn't me!"

Marinette felt rather than heard their attackers before they struck. Instinct had her spinning around, hands reaching out to her hair, but it was too late. Sabrina, Mylene, and Rose were already sprinting down the stairs, side-swiped red cap in hand, Mylene's giggling _love you, Ivan!_ echoing in their wake.

* * *

 **10:33 PM**

* * *

"I am _not_ doing that," Alya snapped.

"Why not? Weren't _you_ that one who said _by any means necessary_?" Chloe tugged at her black ponytail with an even blacker frown. "This feels pretty necessary to me."

"I am not sacrificing my journalistic integrity by faking an _akuma_ just to lure Ladybug and Chat Noir out here so we can take a selfie."

" _Fine_." She growled. "Then we won't fake one."

Adrien frowned. "And just what does that mean, Chloe?"

The girl gave a haughty sniff. "It means Adriekins that if little Miss Integrity over here won't give Ladybug a reason to show up then _I_ will."

"You can't cause an akuma just to win a game."

"Sure I can. I've done it loads of times."

"That's not what I meant."

"You worry too much," Chloe patted Adrien's shoulder with a condescending smile. "What's the point of having superheroes if we don't use them from time to time?"

"I think you give them enough to do already," Juleka murmured.

"Well I didn't _ask_ what you thought did I?" She snapped. "Besides, it's not like–"

Chloe stiffened. Her eyes focused just over his shoulder. Adrien turned to look but her hand shot out and gripped his arm tightly.

"Don't." With a tight smile she turned to Alya. "Cesaire. I need you to pull up a website for me. Le Bavardage."

Alya looked ready to argue but caught Chloe's look and thought better of it. Adrien watched as her indignant scowl transformed into outright panic as she scrolled through her phone.

" _Merde_." Chloe whispered, releasing his arm.

"What?" Adrien asked, dread already pooling deep in his gut. "What is it?"

"Adrien," Alya said. "How much trouble would you be in if your dad found out where you were?"

"Dead… Why?"

She handed her phone over to him and his heart dropped as he read the headline.

 **_The Debriefing of Adrien Agreste: An Up Close and Personal Look at Gabriel's Golden Boy  
_**

"Please tell me this is a joke."

Chloe shook her head. "I know that snake. He's been following Daddy around for years."

Juleka leaned over to view the screen. "From the looks of it he's been following Adrien all night."

"My father is going to kill me," Adrien murmured, wishing now more than ever for his kwami.

"No he's not." Chloe growled, shoving him aside and making a beeline for the not-so-undercover reporter. A rampaging storm of acetone and fury.

Juleka frowned. "Do you think she's going to kill him?"

"I don't know but this is definitely a Chloe I can get behind!" Alya grinned, taking off after the rampaging heiress.

* * *

 **10:38 PM**

* * *

It was stupidly easy to track down the girls.

For all of his girlfriend's journalistic talents, _stealth_ wasn't one of them.

"Dude. Is Alya ever _not_ online?" Kim said, baffled as he scrolled through the Ladyblogger's twitter feed. "God she documents everything."

Max grunted under the weight of Nathaniel's father's paintball gun. He looked longingly at the super soaker in Nathaniel's relatively unburdened hands.

"A good scientist takes diligent notes."

"Cesaire's not a scientist she's an _addict_."

And she was.

Like a homing beacon of mischief, Alya tweeted out the night's activities like it was a compulsion.

 _Once you go black…_ followed by a picture of a hair salon on 14th street.

 _Not so model behavior…_ and a picture of Alya and Juleka posing like mannequins in a department store window near the Champs Elysees.

And most recently

 _You're under Agreste…_ with a photo of cuffed wrists, presumably Adrien's, with the glass pyramid of the Louvre shining brightly in the background.

They were getting close.

Nino's palms itched to get a hold of one of them. Any of them. Their little chat with Alix's brother had been enlightening.

Sure he always _suspected_ they enjoyed fucking with him. But suspicions and confirmation were two very different things and when Nino finally saw the dreaded list he was beyond furious to realize his hat wasn't even _on_ it.

"What the hell, man?"

Jalil merely shrugged as if to say _what can you do_.

Nino could think of a lot of things.

He just needed to find the girls first.

Nino heard their targets before he saw them.

"Listen here you pompous, pock-marked, bottom-feeding _wretch_..."

Chloe Bourgeois's yelling echoed down the street like an angry siren's call.

 _Gotcha_.

Nino motioned for their group to split up. Kim and Max broke off to the left, disappearing down a nearby alley while he and Nathaniel went for the direct attack.

He spotted Adrien first. It was hard not to when his pale skin shined like a glowstick under the street lights. Nino didn't care what his father said there was such a thing as too _much_ sunscreen.

Next to him was Juleka who stared wide-eyed as his girlfriend and another dark haired girl screamed unprintable obscenities at a balding, middle aged man with a camera.

"I'd be careful, princess. I've got so much shit on your father he'd be lucky to see his grandchildren elected _hall monitor_ let alone run for reelection." He grinned, flashing his teeth like a warning, and waved the camera in his hands. "But don't worry. You'll get your fifteen minutes. With this story I've got the headlines for the next month. Get ready for your close up Monsieur Agreste."

The girl sneered, shoving a finger towards the man in a vaguely familiar gesture of contempt. "You can threaten Daddy all you want but there is nowhere in the whole of France where you can hide if you hurt my Adriekins."

It was the disgustingly saccharine nickname that did it.

" _Chloe?_ "

But it was Nathaniel who blew their cover.

"NOW!" Nino shouted.

Max and Kim sprung out from their place in the shadows, paint guns locked and loaded. Nathaniel sprang forward and grabbed the formerly blonde Chloe Bourgeois who shrieked like she was being burned.

"Get your hands off of me!"

Nino was trying to wrestle a cursing Alya into submission when Adrien cried out as the man took off down the street.

"Let go of me you dolt and _grab the camera!_ " Alya growled, flailing her legs as he hoisted her over his shoulder and using her free hand to smack his back. _Hard_.

"Um, _ow?_ "

"Nino, Kim, _go!_ " Juleka shouted, pointing in the direction of the fleeing photographer.

Nino dropped Alya non-too-gently and was off with a _sorry babe!_

Kim was already leagues ahead of him.

Mr. _I-Challenged-A-Panther-To-A-Footrace-and-Lost_ was actually pretty quick on his feet when he cared to be and was steadily gaining on the man. He probably would have caught him too if someone else hadn't beaten him to it.

Or rather someones else.

Marinette really did have impeccable timing.

Like seeing a car crash in real time, Nino couldn't look away as first Marinette, then Alix, then Ivan came sprinting into the alley only to collide headfirst into their unsuspecting target.

He didn't stand a chance.

The force of the four person pile up sent the man's camera flying out of his hands, smashing into the concrete with the familiar soul-cringing snap of a camera shattered.

Nino could almost feel sorry for him.

"You _idiots!_ You clumsy goddamn _morons_!"

Almost.

Marinette was already starting to stammer out apologies when Kim cut her off.

"Save your breath, Biscuit. This guy deserved it." He turned back to Nino. "We better get back to help the others."

Nino groaned as Kim took off running in the direction they'd just came. A quick look over at Ivan and the girls told him someone else must have gotten a hold of his hat. _So much for taking good care of it, Mari_.

He really was getting too old for this shit.

Resigned, he followed Kim. Sleazy photographers aside, Nino had some serious revenge that needed... revenging.

Unfortunately, fate had other plans.

Nino barely made it onto the main road when an explosion from behind sent him stumbling to his knees.

" _Adrien Agreste! Are you ready for your close up?"_

Akuma.

Nino ran his hands over his face and groaned.

 _Wonderful_.

* * *

 **10:42 PM**

* * *

 _Not good. Not good. Not good._

" _Marinette,_ " Her kwami hissed, peeking out of her purse with a worried frown.

"I know, Tikki."

She broke off from Alix and Ivan as they raced after Nino and the others. If she was lucky (which she was) they wouldn't notice her absence until after the chaos erupted.

Because there _would_ be chaos.

Marinette knew that look. She had seen that look a hundred times before. It didn't take a superhero to tell her what was going to happen next.

 _I just need to find Adrien before_ –

Marinette was only steps outside the mouth of the alley when the explosion hit.

"Too late," Plagg said, shooting his partner a toothy grin. "You're up, Tik."

Tikki scowled. "You're enjoying this way too much."

"When you get to be my age, Spots, you learn to take joy in the little things."

"I'm _older_ than you you cat-eared cretin!"

The black god merely shrugged and floated lazily into Marinette's eyeline.

"Ready for the show, pigtails?"

"Tikki, spots on!"

* * *

 **10:56 PM**

* * *

Paris may have been burning but Adrien's face was on _fire_.

It was mortifying enough to have his partner and love of his life pluck him from the streets like a wilting daisy as he ran screaming from his crazed classmates in the middle of an akuma attack.

But to have it happen while he was wearing Ladybug boxers and _only_ Ladybug boxers?

That kind of luck could only be Plagg's doing.

 _Nice spots,_ she'd said.

 _Nice_ **_spots_** _._

Adrien hoped his lady wouldn't mind marrying a mask because there was absolutely _no way_ he could ever reveal his identity now.

He really was going to kill Nino for this.

"What is it, handsome boy," She purred, leaning in ever so slightly. "Cat got your tongue?"

All of his faculties fled in the face of her laughing eyes, close but not nearly close enough.

"Buh." He said, smooth as butter.

Ladybug's lips quirked in a killer smile that any jury would convict on.

"Don't sweat it, hot stuff. I think you might even pull them off better than me."

Adrien's tongue felt swollen in his mouth.

He was vaguely aware of croaking out something like _not possible_ which was miles better than the _please pull them off_ that sat like a devilish weight in his throat.

She smiled again and his heart exploded.

"That's my cue!" Ladybug said, stepping away and grabbing the yoyo from her hip. Adrien blinked at their newfound distance before realizing it wasn't his heartbeat that was reducing the streets to rubble.

Oh. Right. The akuma.

Ladybug gave him a jaunty salute. "See you around, handsome boy!"

It wasn't until she was swinging across the Parisian skyline that he realized he was stranded.

 _Merde_.

He needed to get down from this church.

He needed to get home.

He needed to find Plagg and transform so he could find Ladybug and stop the akuma from destroying the city.

He needed to–

"I told you so, kid." Adrien was sure he pulled something with how quickly he spun around to face his sickeningly smug kwami. "Anything that causes _this_ much chaos is definitely fun."

" _Plagg!"_ He said, relieved. "How did you find me?"

Plagg shrugged his tiny shoulders and grinned. "A lucky guess."

Adrien didn't have time to question him further.

His lady needed his help.

"Do you think you can get me out of these?" He asked, gesturing to his cuffed hands.

"Oh please," Plagg reached out to touch the handcuffs with one tiny, glowing paw. Adrien watched in horrified fascination as the metal disintegrated from around his wrists. "Give me a challenge."

"I didn't know you could do that," He said.

"I can do a lot of things."

Adrien decided to push that disturbing information aside for the time being. He had a job to do.

"Plagg, claws out!"

* * *

 **11:07 PM**

* * *

Sabrina Raincomprix was used to being overlooked.

It was hard not to be with a best friend like Chloe, but she usually didn't mind. Sabrina knew she was able to slip under the radar better than most people, a skill that came in handy when your father was the chief of police.

It meant that from a young age she learned to creep in and out of her room to sneak snacks from the kitchen as her parents watched tv only feet away. It meant that as she got older she knew exactly where the best foot holds were when she scaled down the side of the house to meet up with Chloe or see a late night movie or just walk around the streets knowing she wasn't really doing anything wrong but feeling the thrill of wrongdoing all the same.

It meant that by the time she turned sixteen Sabrina Raincomprix had seen some shit.

Whether it was because her father took his work home with him or because Paris was overrun with supervillains or because more often than not her best friend was the _target_ of said supervillains and she was more often than not with her best friend, Sabrina didn't really know.

What she _did_ know, however, was that being undetectable was a superpower in and of itself. Even her best friend considered anonymity a fate worse than death.

Literally.

"Yoohoo! Ladybug!" Chloe called, waving frantically at the superheroine who was currently occupied by Hawkmoth's latest victim. "Can we get a picture?"

Sabrina's heart momentarily stopped as the akuma - Pop-arazzi, he'd called himself - directed his lens towards her oblivious friend. Ladybug barely managed to tackle the girl out of the way before the street corner she was previously standing on exploded into a pile of ash and rubble.

 _Not the best timing, Chlo_.

"She's going to get herself killed!" Mylene peered above the overturned taxi cab they were using as a shield. "What is she thinking?"

"She wants to win," Sabrina said, frowning as Chloe tried to snap a selfie with her savior. Unfortunately for her, Ladybug was already on the move.

"So do I but I'm not going to run out in front of an akuma that can cause _explosions_."

"Um, speaking of," Rose said, flinching as another building collapsed to the ground. Her hands were clutching Nino's stolen cap tightly to her chest. "What are _we_ doing here exactly?"

Waiting.

Sabrina searched what remained of the smoky Parisian skyline and grinned as she as a black and blonde figure bounded through the darkness.

"Salut Chaton," Ladybug said before executing an Olympics worthy backflip over one of the akuma's shots. "Nice of you to pop in."

"You know I'd never turn down a photo op, my lady." Chat Noir landed beside her and grinned.

"Are you sure about that, kitty?" She asked, leaning in to flick the bell around his neck. "I would've thought you'd had enough exposure for one evening."

Chat Noir made some kind of choking noise as Ladybug laughed.

Sabrina thought the hero looked a little shell shocked. His partner didn't seem to notice as she began pointing to the akuma, a nearby fire hydrant, and of all things, a red and black inner tube.

Far be it from her to question a superhero.

 _I just need the cat_ , she thought grimly as she watched a somewhat dazed Chat Noir nod along with whatever Ladybug was planning.

They were lucky.

The akuma itself, although destructive, wasn't particularly fast.

Sabrina knew from previous close encounters of the akuma kind that they didn't always have time to strategize. This one, however, didn't seem capable of doing much.

Beyond bringing the city to ruins of course.

Which was probably for the best considering what they were about to do.

"Are you ready?" She asked, watching as Ladybug and Chat Noir split up.

"No," Rose said.

"Good because he's coming."

Mylene and Sabrina positioned themselves on either side of Rose who slumped low between them and did her best to appear injured. They started dragging her away from their hiding spot behind the car so they were just visible from the rooftops where their unsuspecting target was headed.

Sabrina pinched Rose's shoulder lightly and the girl let out a pitiful groan.

"Come on, Rose!" Mylene shouted, a little too loudly. They wanted to attract Chat Noir's attention not the akuma's. "We have to get you out of here!"

"Leave me!" Rose moaned. "Save yourselves!"

Sabrina held back a sigh. There was no way Chat Noir was going to believe–

A soft _thud_ as the leather-clad boy landed in front of them interrupted her thoughts.

 _Unbelievable_.

"Hey, do you need hel–"

"Get him!" Sabrina cried.

No sooner had the poor boy retracted his baton to offer assistance than the three girls swarmed him. As Rose and Sabrina pinned the struggling hero to the ground Mylene whipped out her phone and snapped a series of photographs that were sure to make Alya burn with jealousy.

 _He did say he'd never turn down a photo op_.

The sound of a whirring yoyo overhead told them Ladybug had noticed her partner's plight.

Sabrina braced for a lecture and was surprised when the girl's fury was directed not towards them but her partner.

"Dammit Chat!" She said, narrowly dodging another beam from the akuma's camera and landing on the rooftop overhead, inner tube still in hand. "I told you to stay away from them!"

"I _tried_ , Bug."

"You're a _superhero_. You shouldn't have to _try_ at all!"

Apparently she hit a sore spot because a low rumble that Sabrina could only call a growl seemed to originate from Chat Noir's throat. He started struggling again and she and Rose released him.

He looked up towards his partner with a frown. "Why do you even care?"

"I don't!" She snapped, clearly caring. "Ugh. Forget this. _Hey Pop-arazzi! I've got your scoop right here!_ "

Chat Noir watched his partner, making sure she had everything under control before turning to scowl at them.

"That was incredibly stupid."

"We're sorry," Rose said, cracking under the pressure of his strange green glare. Her hands twisted Nino's hat nervously as she tried to babble out an explanation.

The boy's eyes caught the movement. Sabrina saw what he was planning on doing but was unable to stop him before he snatched the cap out of Rose's hands.

"I'll tell you what," He said, his smile almost feral. "I'll just take _this_ and we'll call it even."

"Wait-!"

But he was already gone. The three girls watched in horrified helplessness as Chat Noir leapt off after the akuma, Nino's red baseball cap in hand.

"Well," Rose said. "At least we got the picture, right?"

Mylene buried her face in her hands and groaned.

"Yeah, but how the hell are we supposed to tell Nino that Chat Noir stole his hat?"

* * *

 **11:19 PM**

* * *

Adrien barely made it back to the church roof in time before his transformation gave out.

Falling back against the eaves, he mourned the loss of his suit as he was once again reduced to nothing but his boxers and a pair of sneakers.

 _At least this time I have Plagg_.

Fat lot of good that did him as his exhausted kwami collapsed into his waiting hands.

"How you doing buddy?"

"Cheeeeese."

Adrien rolled his eyes.

"Unless Saint Peter ran a deli shop I think you're out of luck."

Plagg let out a pathetic whine but otherwise said nothing.

He sighed, looking out from the roof towards the restored skyline. It was almost peaceful up here now that the city was no longer on fire.

They had his lady to thank for that.

 _Ladybug_.

She was acting strange. One minute she was teasing, sending him knowing smiles he couldn't decipher and the next she was scolding him, telling him off for falling into his classmates' trap.

And it _was_ a trap.

A trap Adrien was starting to suspect Ladybug knew more about than she should. She had been particularly cagey during that fight, making sure to steer clear of Chloe, Juleka, and even _Alya_ who she actually seemed to like.

And what was it she said to him when he'd first arrived? Something about being exposed?

God knew he'd had more than his fair share of _exposure_ that night.

That couldn't be a coincidence right?

"Hey Plagg," He said slowly. "How did you know where to find me?"

He felt the god tense in his hands before trying to shrug off his reaction.

But it was too late.

 _She knows_.

 _Oh my god she **knows**_.

 _Oh my god **how** does she know? _

A familiar whirring told him he didn't have time to interrogate his kwami.

Adrien scrambled to his feet as Plagg zipped out of sight. Ladybug landed on the rooftop just moments later. Her lips were suppressing a smile but her eyes were dancing with not-so-secret laughter.

 _Yeah, she knows_.

Adrien didn't know why that made his stomach feel like butterflies.

"Glad to see you're safe." She said.

"Oh really," He asked, watching her through narrowed eyes. "Worried about me were you?"

She nodded, trying and failing at solemnity.

"Terribly."

He waited for her to say something more. To let him know she knew. To let him know she knew he knew she knew.

To maybe let him know her.

But she didn't.

She just stood there, not quite grinning.

She just stood there, beautiful and strange and wonderful and _knowing_.

"Ladybug," Adrien started, wondering where he even _should_ start, when reality came crashing back to him like tumbling bricks. " _Oh fuck._ "

"What is it?" She asked, suddenly worried. "What happened?"

"The photographer," He groaned, covering his face with his hands. "I forgot about the _photographer_."

He was so screwed. God, with everything else going on he completely forgot that Ladybug's cure didn't just fix city blocks.

"I am so beyond dead."

Adrien felt a gloved hand on his shoulder. He peeked out from between his fingers to see his partner flash him a reassuring grin.

"Not on my watch you're not."

"What are you going to do?" He asked warily.

Ladybug stepped behind him and picked up Nino's discarded hat. Adrien blinked in confusion as she turned the cap around backwards and placed it on her head with a grin before heading towards the edge of the roof.

"Don't sweat it, hot stuff," She said, tossing a wink over her shoulder as she unclipped her yoyo from her belt. "I've got you covered."

Adrien flushed from ears to chest as his lady swung off into the night, her laughter echoing behind her.

Well, at least that was one problem taken care of.

Adrien sagged in relief as his kwami reappeared beside him. Too exhausted to interrogate him about his whereabouts for the evening, he gestured out towards the rooftops where Ladybug had disappeared.

"What are the odds you can transform me and get us home?"

"What are the odds you're hiding camembert in those boxers of yours?"

Adrien sighed. They were walking then.

He managed to locate the fire escape on the side of the building and slowly made his way down to the alley below. Jumping down the final few feet, Adrien landed in a crouch only to find himself face first with a pair of large, black tennis shoes.

He swallowed, looking up, up, _up_ before meeting Ivan's quiet grin.

"Well, well, well," Alix said, appearing from behind the giant. "I guess if you pray hard enough miracles really _do_ happen."

Adrien rose to his feet, resigned.

 _Here we go again_.

* * *

 **11:26 PM**

* * *

Anthony Gerard Charpentier was a lucky, lucky man.

Clutching his once-again perfectly operational camera to his chest, he fled the scene of his most recent - defeat? – as an akuma.

Not that it really mattered. He was damn near giddy that his camera was in working order again and that all of his photographs were still in tact.

Those clumsy brats weren't able to stop him and now thanks to Ladybug he was going to get his story.

He was so close to finally breaking through that he could almost _taste_ it.

Anthony turned down the alley that lead to the back entrance of his office. By this time of night Angeline would have already locked up the front and he needed his computer so he could drop this story by morning.

Caught up in composing his opening paragraphs, Anthony didn't notice the hulking figure that lurked in the doorway until it was too late.

A hand, nearly as large as his face, clamped down on his shoulders and sent his knees buckling. Anthony whirled around as out from the shadows stepped one of the largest men he had ever seen.

His scowl was black and twisted as he glared down at the trembling reporter and snatched the camera from his clutching hands with ease.

"Please don't hurt me," Anthony whimpered. The hand on his shoulder tightened and his arm went numb.

Suddenly the sound of a yoyo whipping through the air startled them both and Anthony was beyond relieved to see the heroine of Paris herself, wearing, of all things, a backwards baseball cap.

"Ladybug! Ladybug, thank god! This man is trying to rob me!"

The young woman's eyes flickered from Anthony to the hulking figure to the camera in his hands.

To his utter confusion, she appeared to be smiling.

"I take it I'm not needed here then?"

His attacker grunted, not taking his angry black eyes off of the reporter. Anthony couldn't hide his shock as the man tossed the camera towards the superheroine who caught it with ease.

She grinned.

"As you were gentlemen."

* * *

 **11:32 PM**

* * *

Plagg had disappeared again.

Adrien wasn't necessarily _worried_ about him

– he was a god afterall –

but that didn't stop him from glancing around to see if he was following.

He knew his kwami drew the line at hiding in his underwear, which, honestly, same. But it did beg the question just where exactly the little troublemaker had run off to.

"Chill out. No one's going to jump out from the shadows and grab you."

Adrien pulled his eyes away from a nearby dumpster to give Alix a _look_.

"That seems to be the _only_ thing that's happened to me tonight."

"What," She said. "Can't handle a bunch of girls?"

"No." He said, unashamed.

Alix stopped their progress for a moment to appraise him. "You know, you're all right Agreste."

"Does that mean you'll let me go?"

Ivan slapped a hand on his shoulder. "Nope."

He sighed, not really expecting anything different.

Honestly it figured they would be the ones to grab him. Everyone else already had.

Although, there _was_ one noticeable absence from their party.

"Hey, um. Wasn't Marinette supposed to be with you?"

"Oh she is." Alix hummed.

Neither one of them expanded further.

Adrien realized they were heading towards the park near Francois Dupont and the Dupain-Cheng bakery. He wondered if this night was ever going to end.

"So," He asked. "Where are you guys taking me now?"

"We've just gotta pick something up. Then we're heading back to my place and you'll be off the hook."

 _Thank god_.

Ivan steered him through the entrance of the park and towards a cluster of trees near the carousel. Even though he knew he wasn't really in any danger Adrien couldn't help but feel like he was walking into another trap.

No wonder Nino had been such a mess.

They stepped into the shadows, away from the lamps that lit up the park, and stood underneath one of the larger trees. There was silence, as if the whole world was waiting for some kind of signal.

Just as Adrien was about to ask what exactly it was they were supposed to be doing, Ivan let out a low, three toned whistle.

There was some rustling in the tree above and before Adrien could even begin to worry about what could be hiding in the leaves a bundle of green and red and black dropped down to the ground before him.

Adrien's startled cry strangled in his throat as he realized that crouching before him, wearing a red backwards baseball cap and holding a suspiciously familiar camera was a smirking Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

"Hey, hot stuff," She said, killing him. "Take off your pants."

* * *

 **11:43 PM**

* * *

Marinette was having too much fun with this.

She knew she was.

But honestly, what else was she _supposed_ to do?

Adrien _sensitive-pretty-boy-heart-of-gold_ Agreste was Chat _got-your-back-take-my-heart_ Noir.

This wide-eyed, wild haired, flailing boy was Chat. _Of course_ he was Chat.

Stripped down from the flirting and the fighting and the masks, was just a teenage boy with a crush on her.

(Something she'd have to deal with later because right now she _really_ could _not._ )

" _M-Marinette?_ "

Her poor partner looked so distressed she really couldn't resist the smile pulling at her lips.

"Nice of you to drop in Kitten."

She could almost _feel_ Tikki's _stop teasing him_ glare through her purse. Unfortunately, she also had the god of destruction pawing at her hair beneath Nino's cap as if to say _keep going_.

Tikki was right. Plagg was definitely a bad influence.

"But _how?_ " He asked, dazed.

Adrien's eyes roved over her features as if to catalogue everything he knew about Ladybug and everything he knew about Marinette. To make sure that what he was seeing was actually what he was seeing.

Marinette tilted her head slightly, a silent acknowledgement of all the questions he couldn't ask.

She wasn't prepared for the way his whole body sagged in relief or the way something inside him seemed to rise. It was as if some invisible burden had been lifted, a shroud pulled back and the sun revealed. Marinette had never really _disagreed_ with Alya's nickname for her crush but never before had it seemed so apt. He really did seem to shine and it nearly shattered her to realize he was shining for _her_.

(She really, _really_ could _not_.)

Thankfully, Alix could.

"Don't worry about your panties, Agreste. We've already taken care of _that_ particular item."

Adrien managed to drag his eyes away from Marinette to look at Alix. "What do you mean?"

Ivan reached into his backpack and pulled out several pairs of boxers.

 _His_ boxers.

"Oh my god," He choked. "Where the hell did you get those?"

Alix slapped a blushing Marinette on the back.

"D-C here is one of the best sneaks I've ever met. Don't know how she does it."

Adrien had a pretty good idea.

He turned his disbelieving eyes back to his partner ( _his partner!_ ) only to catch a pair of green eyes peeking out at him from beneath Nino's –now Marinette's– cap.

He froze then as a truth he didn't want to face hit him.

Marinette had rifled through his underwear drawer.

 _Ladybug_ had rifled through his underwear drawer.

Plagg had _let_ Ladybug rifle through his underwear drawer.

"Oh god," he whimpered.

Ivan reached over to pat his shoulder consolingly.

"If it makes you feel any better," Alix said with a devious grin that was anything but comforting. "I doubt she found anything more embarrassing than the pair you're already wearing."

Adrien didn't know it was possible to be even _more_ mortified but there it was. He couldn't even bring himself to look at Marinette, although from his peripheral vision he could see her shoulders shaking in silent laughter.

"I think…" He said, slowly, wishing more than anything for the earth to open up and just take him. "I think Nathalie is looking for me."

Alix grinned and threw her arm over Adrien's bare shoulders. "Eh. You're already out. What's another hour or two?"

A lot if the past ten minutes told him anything.

Adrien wasn't sure he could handle any more embarrassment.

Idly he wondered if he'd be turned into some crazed underwear akuma.

"Please stay," Marinette said softly. "I promise the worst of the night is behind you."

Adrien couldn't even pretend to consider leaving when his lady smiled at him like _that_.

He nodded, meeting her smile with a sheepish one of his own.

"Can I at least have some pants?"

* * *

 **3:14 AM**

* * *

"I am never leaving this bed again," Adrien sighed, throwing himself face first into his pillow. "Never, ever, ever."

Nathalie had given him the lecture to end all lectures. It started with her patented _I'm very disappointed in you_ look and was working up towards the _upholding the Agreste name_ speech he was sure his father drilled into all of Adrien's caretakers when he hired them.

By the time she had worked her way to _there are certain responsibilities that come along with being the face of a dynasty_ Adrien had had enough.

"Not that I don't appreciate this Nathalie, but can we save the rest until morning?"

If his father's assistant was surprised by his interruption she hid it well. It was, after all, what she was paid for.

"You are dismissed."

Her parting frown told Adrien he _would_ be hearing the rest of it in the morning. But at least she wasn't going to tell his father. Small mercies there.

"Stop being so dramatic." Plagg said, buzzing around Adrien's head like an oversized gnat. "At least we finally got out and had some fun!"

Adrien reached for an unused pillow and threw it blindly. The startled _watch it!_ let him know he was satisfyingly close to hitting his target.

 _Close is close enough_.

" _You_ had fun. _I_ nearly died."

"Aw come on," The little devil sing-songed by his ear. "You can't tell me you hated _every_ part of the evening."

He would _not_ dignify his kwami with a response, but the god's muffled snickering told him the growing redness on his ears and neck did not go unnoticed.

He _had_ enjoyed parts of the evening. Specifically the Ladybug parts. And the Marinette parts.

The Ladybug/Marinette parts.

Adrien couldn't hold back his lovesick squeal even if he wanted to. Which, with Plagg around, he _really, really_ wanted to.

"Ugh," His kwami said, suddenly not so amused. "You're gonna be worse than ever now."

Probably.

Adrien nodded into his pillow. And when that didn't seem to sufficiently express his enthusiasm he nodded some more.

"Whatever. Some things are too cheesy even for me."

And Plagg was gone.

Adrien mustered what little energy he had left and fished his phone out of his pocket. He was never really _un_ comfortable in front of the camera. But tonight was the first time where he had truly enjoyed having his picture taken.

By the right people, of course.

The _closing ceremonies_ as Alix insisted on calling them, were more of a formal pizza party with fancy dishes. Alix's brother Jalil helped pass out flutes of champagne and only seemed slightly put off by the new additions to the party.

Adrien made sure to scowl when he was handed his glass. From what he'd gathered, this was the man responsible for putting together the girls' ridiculous scavenger hunt.

Jalil didn't even try to look repentant.

 _At least he had the decency to lend me some clothes_.

Adrien was sure his father would have a fit if he ever saw his top model wearing a gaudy tourist sweatshirt from a museum gift shop. He didn't even want to know what he would do if he knew Adrien had been _photographed_ in them.

He didn't care.

Adrien smiled as he flipped through the photos Alya had forwarded to him as a kind of _sorry-for-kidnapping-you-and-almost-getting-you-grounded_ apology.

The boys were invited to the after party but Alix insisted on excluding them from the winning deliberations.

"Top secret," She said, as she joined the others in her father's study. "No boys allowed."

Ivan gave them a small wave before shutting the door in their faces.

Over the next half hour there was a lot of muffled shrieking and giggling and whispering. At one point Kim pounded on the door and a magnificently red-faced Marinette answered. Adrien couldn't hear what she said but Kim's rigid posture told him it had done the trick. He quickly retreated back to the living room and Adrien's heart stuttered when Marinette threw him a wink before disappearing into the study.

He couldn't hide his goofy smile and paid for it with what Nino called _bro-bligatory_ teasing.

Adrien couldn't really bring himself to care even when the others caught on to the conversation and joined in.

And when the girls had finally, _finally_ emerged it wasn't really a surprise to anyone when Marinette's team was crowned the winner.

After all, they were the only ones who managed to snag a pair of his boxers.

("I'm calling bullshit on that one, Agreste. You were clearly playing favorites.")

The proof of which waved proudly like a flag attached to one of Alix's old field hockey sticks. A red and black monument to this hellish, mystifying, wonderful night.

The crowning moment was captured on the photographer's stolen camera.

Alix, Ivan, and Marinette were grinning like mad. Ivan hoisted Alix onto his shoulder where she held the trophy like the hard-fought prize it was. Beside them, Marinette, waving the makeshift flag in one hand and blowing a kiss to the camera with the other.

However, the gut wrenching gleam in his lady's eyes notwithstanding, it was the final picture of the night that held top billing in his heart.

Adrien didn't even try to fight his lovesick grin as he swiped through to the last photo.

It was a slight variation of the first image, only more crowded with familiar faces as everyone else piled in. Nino and the others in their makeshift armor. Alix and Ivan and their ridiculous trophy. Chloe and her new hair, Rose with her cat ears, Alya on bended knee presenting him like he was the real prize. Everyone was sweaty, run down, exhausted and _happy_.

And at the center of it all was Adrien.

Hair more Chat than chic. Clothes his father wouldn't even spit on. And a pink-cheeked, puppy love smile as Marinette Dupain-Cheng leaned over at the last minute to kiss his cheek.

Adrien's fingers traced the spot on his skin as if he could recapture the feeling.

 _Maybe Plagg is right_ , he thought, staring down at his grinning friends who stared right back up at him.

Maybe there really _was_ something to be said for chaos.

* * *

 **A/N: and that's all folks!**


End file.
